sanjay@sanjayhq_
This was difficult to post, but I hope you read it.
As most of you know, I accepted Islam nearly seven years ago. It remains the greatest decision I’ve made in my life. One of the biggest difficulties for converts is losing non-Muslim family members. Recently, my maternal grandmother passed away. It’s difficult to speak about and especially challenging to navigate, knowing that I can no longer pray for her, nor do I know where she will go. I write this with hopes that born Muslims can appreciate the blessing of Islam bestowed to their family, and those who accepted Islam can relate and find peace in this reflection.
I was my grandmother’s eldest grandchild. I know her for always having a face that glowed and a radiant smile. When I was sick as a child, she’d walk me back and forth the hallways of her house in the night so that my parents could get their rest. It’s painful to process that the person who was in my duas every single day for the last seven years can no longer be. Life is fragile, and the harsh reality of death is due upon all of us. Undoubtedly, patience is at the first strike of calamity, so I will practice patience hoping for ease from my Lord.
I find solace in knowing that my Prophet ﷺ went through similar trials. He lost his beloved uncle Abu Talib and was visibly hurt by it. It is only a further proof that we should allow ourselves grace when losing loved ones. It’s okay to feel. The Prophet ﷺ, in the most difficult of moments, only drew closer to his Lord. The most perfect of examples is when he lost his beloved son Ibrahim, and while tears flowed from his eyes ﷺ , he uttered “Verily the eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, and we are saddened over your departure. But we will not say except that which is pleasing to our Lord.”
So how then do I reconcile this loss? There’s so much uncertainty that comes with losing a non-Muslim loved one. The simple answer is I focus on what I know. I know my Lord is Ar Rahman, the Most Merciful. My Lord is Al Wadud, the Most Loving. And it is He who gives life and it is He who takes it. I seek ease from Al Wali, the Protecting Friend, for surely He is Ar Rauf, the Most Kind. My love for Allah has only grown, and my desire to worship Him has only increased. Allah is more merciful than a mother is to her child. That is what I know of who my Lord is. I allow this to be my comfort without letting myself think about what I don’t know.
I want to reaffirm that Islam is the best thing to ever happen to me. I was lost before I found my faith. I was in the darkness before I found the light of this deen. The calamities of this life have only made me love my faith, my Lord, and my Prophet ﷺ more.
To my convert brothers and sisters, may Allah strengthen you and guide your family to this beautiful deen. To my born Muslim brothers and sisters, I hope this helps you appreciate the blessing that Allah has bestowed upon you a little more. I hope you are appreciative of being able to make dua for your loved ones that passed. I hope that you take a moment to say “Alhamdulillah” for what Allah has given you.
All praise is to Allah who guided me to worship Him alone. May our Lord send peace and blessings upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
With love,
Your brother Sanjay
