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Did u miss me?

Had a dream that i wrote an absolute banger of a tweet - manifesting is working!

Sorry I’m an hour and a half late, my cats were being cute

Gonna turn my life around with a single banger tweet

Some say this guy is still rioting youtu.be/iIv-Z-ik7ik

I like to think that if i went to prison I would do pushups, despite all evidence to the contrary

My bartenders are always doing this

I've always been told I'm a sweetie 🥰

YOU can help

The worst part of having covid is that our cat doesn’t understand why I’m not petting her 😢

Getting ready for the day by switching out of my pajamas (basically sweatpants) and into my sweatpants (basically pajamas)

@_manyamental_ Is this tweet about me because my heart will be weighed against a feather when I die and it will not be weighed down by the sin of caffeine

people who don’t drink coffee love to act like they’ve never done anything wrong in their lives whenever the subject of coffee comes up

Im sorry i didnt respond to your text I already did my single thing for the day

Letting me produce comedy shows leads to titles like these thepit-nyc.com/events/va-va-v…

fortune tellers are all such bs, its like yes i get it Billy Joel will die by Bruce Springsteen’s hand in a greek diner on June 29th 2028, what about my love life?!?

@RubbishComedy @DixonPlace I'm almost in this photo

Thanks so much to everyone who came out to our show last night @DixonPlace! Incredible crowd, amazing performers, and insanely rowdy fun. Next show coming up on March 23rd!

Holy crap. It's happening, folks. Our debut show @DixonPlace is February 23rd at 7:30! We've got stand up from @AlisonLeiby and @CruzKayne and two brand new Rubbish directed improv teams. Tix avail now! dixonplace.org/performances/a… #NYC #comedy #standup #improv

Better watch out next time you storm the capital!! NYC influencers gonna be patrolling those streets

Im in this

Twitter is nice bc people will screenshot tiktoks so i dont have to suffer through the medium of video