Jim

What if you write a great one-liner but it takes up two lines because you chose too large a font or included superfluous details?

@JCComposer The tories will be fucked once Rishi gets everyone learning only maths at school

@bccamplight You in the right property?

Right. Weird one. This morning I woke up and there was this half empty bottle of sriracha in my fridge. I've never bought sriracha and am a hermit with no visitors. I know there are bigger problems in the world but this is honestly scaring me . How?

@JCComposer @Iromg @GaryLineker *foaming at the mouth* THAT’S NOT THE POINT THOUGH!!! MY GREAT GRANDFATHER DIDN’T DIE FIGHTING TYRANNY ONLY FOR ME TO HAVE TO SHARE THIS GREAT NATION WITH VICTIMS OF PERSECUTION

Oh dear. @GaryLineker finally jumps the shark. And now the #BBC will have to do something… mol.im/a/11832541

@Conservatives This is very bad vibes

It’s very simple - it’s this country and government who should decide who comes here - not criminal gangs. Our new laws show we will do what is necessary to achieve that.

@JCComposer In space, no one can hear you playing boogie-woogie piano

@JahDuran @Banshees_Movie vanityfair.com/hollywood/2022… Apparently an octogenerian named Delia Barry

The three pillars of psychotherapy

@afielden At least it’s not through your bloody, motherfucking asshole

Martha Wainwright slicing through my sinuses.

@JCComposer @bbcquestiontime Hey man, be fair. Let Nigel Farage have his say.

Tonight's second question #bbcqt

@wordcolour You forgot the salad bowl full of cocaine.

@wordcolour 🙄 Who does that guy think he is?

@wordcolour Feel this was under-appreciated

@afielden You should’ve put a spoiler alert. Some of us haven’t watched Truss’ resignation speech yet

every fucking day. all hours. journalists asking my opinion on Russia Ukraine, British democracy, China. why?? i am a cat in a pram

@morgan_hislop Changes frequently for me but feel like Couldn’t Bear to Be Special should be on the list

Ok we’re rolling through the week and I wanna know… What do you think is the best Prefab Sprout song?

@JCComposer The other good thing about wood burners is that they emit loads of dangerous particulates, aggravating your neighbours’ lungs AND those loony environmentalists

@ehgillett Also w/ love and respect; I share Nick’s issue re: melodies. Tho my main problem with almost everything post-Medulla is the lyrics, which seem to either be really on the nose (especially the political stuff) or almost self-parody of her more abstract stuff. Yet 2 listen 2 new tho

Can anyone help me ascertain whether these two are goodies or baddies?

@hurtdeeronline Hopefully it’s just like Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. Just him bolshily trying to sort out a struggling family-run coca plantation

all this said, a guy who's main networking connections are the restaurant industry and the media managing to convince them to put together an anti-cocaine documentary... real ballsy bite the hand that feeds behaviour. have to respect it

i always wondered is ramsey's disdain for the drug stems from every chef he worked with blatantly needing to be serial users to keep up with or even challenge his methods

@wordcolour I think you should lose the kick altogether. Replace it with bass clarinet.

@JCComposer @ChrisClarksonMP Don’t kink-shame the tories, John.

Puerile, divisive and completely against the spirit of inclusion that Pride is supposed to embody. Grow up.