Jacob is very fruity 🏳️‍🌈

@EliMcCann 🎶 How do you solve a problem like Mary Clarence? 🎶

The nuns from the sound of Music would've hated the nuns from Sister act.

@velvet_skeleton You might be on to something…

hey you guys should try this “drinking water” thing it actually feels really nice

@poetickate But, might you become TOO powerful?

y’all mind if i… get hotter

@LIFOMichaelCPA @nihilists4jesus True! I would never have known that it is apparently “Breast Augmentation Season” without the billboard I drove past in Lehi today.

@nihilists4jesus But how will people learn about plastic surgery places and the Mormon Stories podcast?

A goddess will aid your quest in Season 3 of #PercyJackson and the Olympians. 🏹 Kate McKinnon is Aphrodite

@velvet_skeleton As we all should

i miss radio shack

Never in history has any artist contributed more to the genre of “songs for men to do cute little sexy dances to” than Sabrina Carpenter.

@Pandastarling39 Probably not, but the general vibe is fairly applicable most events of the last decade for sure.

none of yalls know what this is about lmfao

ugh ugh ugh

@Pandastarling39 But that’s what your early twenties are for.

someone also tell me to stop being an idiot when it comes to my feelings

@Pandastarling39 You can say that again!

How do people make existing in the world look so easy? I’m just trying to get by, but somehow even my good moves end up screwing me over. I just updated my address with my insurance and somehow that means my monthly premium nearly doubles. I can’t keep up with it all. 😭

Growing trend? I thought this was the standard playbook.

Guess which dummy ordered himself a @tacobell breakfast and then proceeded to get distracted by work and forgot he’d ordered food until more than 2 hours later, at which time, his food, understandably had been discarded. . . . . . If you guessed @JacobCWard, you win!

Printers, much like the Lord, work in mysterious ways.

@Pandastarling39 You got this!!!

y’all’s i have a job interview in just a bit wish me luck

Shout out to Fiddler on the Roof for rhyming “indigestion” with “question”.

Any heinous news out of the first two sessions I ought to be aware of?

I mean… they ain’t kosher, so like, it’s not wrong by certain metrics.

And?

Why’d they block out the license plate? It’s a Cybertruck. The owner deserves to be identifiably shamed.