Brandon James

@lindsaylohan on @chelseahandler's chelsey lately leads me to believe that even a rock, with proper writing, can host a comedy central show.

I am never more drunk with power than when someone puts their turn signal on and I allow then into my lane, giving them my wave of approval

Why didn't Brad Pitt name his production company Coat Hanger?

They waived the buns because the lettuce put them over the salary cap. I went into the restaurant furious. "No more whole grain buns. What!"

Remember when Dane Cook tried acting? Or even worse, when he tried comedy #danecookjokesneverdie #danecook #whitegirlwednesday

When im in traffic I mostly think about monster trucks n driving monster trucks over the traffic and that sort of stuff #sundaysundaysunday

If you're an ugly person, drive an ugly car. I hate looking in nice cars and being disappointed #whitegirlwednesday #yolo

I feel like I'm in a Viagra commercial #ArrestedDevelopment #BuyAPuppetOrSomething #ExpressOurselves

I want to have an @rkelly Trapped In The Closet party where we watch the entire 22 chapter music video, and dress as different characters

Just a fleeting thought: You can receive a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt and then there's motorcycles. #cmonman #whitegirlwednesday

Helping @_katiemae pick out some cute work shoes #fashionxploration #whitegirlwednesday #nofilter

I got flipped off as a woman tried to merge n cut across 3 lanes while holding her phone to her face. im not mad, im impressed #womendrivers

that moment in post when you watch yourself slate for camera and think, 'I'm a dime.' #accidentalselfie #whitegirlwednesday #dimepiece

Kevin Durant is a beast #blackdontcrack #giveupwhiteathletes #frappuccinohappyhour

White pants are for Andrew WK and Columbian drug lords. If you aren't either, please refrain #CLIPPERNATION #whitegirlwednesday #whitepower

it's so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a 20-something male #nofilter #RiRiWoo #RickRoss #yolo

What does this neighborhood have against the Ninja Turtles? #hatersgonnahate #nofilter

Day 1 of feature done. It's all downhill from here

This is the stuff that makes FBI agents in a league of their own vine.co/v/bU6YvrOvnvx #nofilter

Did everyone hear the breaking news?! Thank goodness Kim's divorce finally went thru. #manhunt