Penelope Conway 🇺🇸

Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years.

I don't procrastinate. I wait until it becomes urgent enough to feel important.

If people make you sick, try cooking them a little longer. Just sayin...

I wonder what it's like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!

I don't know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some coffee, chocolate and donuts? Thanks!

Sometimes I think my life would make a great TV movie. It even has the part where they say, "Stand by. We are experiencing technical difficulties."

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Is it just me or does anyone else occasionally have to look up a word while they are writing, that they have known how to spell for most of their life, because it just doesn't look quite right?

so cute... 🤣🤣🤣🤣 x.com/GnosisWolf/sta…

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject. Now you talk about Botox and nobody even raises an eyebrow.

Will this work? x.com/Sadie_NC/statu…

MS... you are the shampoo in the eyes of my life.

The hardest and most difficult question for me to answer isn’t “If you’re rowing your canoe up a telephone pole, and all four wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?” Although that seems to be a senseless and impossible question to answer, it’s still not as difficult as being asked “Are you feeling better?”

If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.

I guess they had to invent artificial intelligence since real intelligence is running out.

Too funny.... x.com/CNviolations/s…

I look back at all those in my past who inspired me. They aren’t dignitaries, generals, presidents or ambassadors. They are mothers, fathers, neighbors, teachers and friends. They are people who knew what it meant to be broken, experience pain, and in spite of it all to overcome the impossible. They are my heroes. You are my hero...

I never use the little twist ties to close a bag of bread...I just spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.

I love that I have a positive mental attitude. I'm positive. I'm mental. And I definitely have attitude.