Sam Lane 💜

“Humble enough to know I’m replaceable, cocky enough to know she’s a downgrade” Is the phrase, I believe.

@Andrew29072015 The best

@SLane80 Ronnie

I’ve decided to return today! Will be in the big Tesco in Wigan at 12 signing Bibles

Well, that was quite the day. Poetry this afternoon and a cheeky gig tonight #harrybaker #feelingbetter #migrainecure #perfection #whatthedoctorordered

Have you watched The Manosphere with Louis Theroux on Netflix? As the Dad of a 17 year old son, I think @jimmycarr is spot on. What do you think?

@Rhiannonny Deffo!! Would love to see you and may have A with me next time too x

@SLane80 It’s alright, next time for sure!! ❤️

Repeat after me “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job” Did it work? No? Me neither! #managementresponsibility #biggirljob #dontlikeittoday #fuckingpeople

@Rhiannonny Yeah sorry to have missed you last weekend!! X

@SLane80 Love you!! Hopefully see you soon ❤️

Can you stop being dicks for like 5 minutes!!

Keith the Apocalypse Bringer is a three-year-old Anglo-Nubian goat in a field in Devon. Keith should not be underestimated. Keith has been systematically dismantling the ecosystem since approximately 7am, when he ate a bramble. This is significant because bramble is an invasive scrub species that outcompetes wildflowers, reduces biodiversity, and creates dense monoculture thicket that nothing else can use. Keith ate it. Keith does this every day. Keith does not charge for this service. 8:15am - Keith ate a thistle. Thistles are also considered invasive scrub in managed pasture. Goldfinches eat thistle seeds, but Keith's grazing will ensure the pasture remains open enough for the ground-nesting birds that can't use dense scrub. Keith has not attended a conservation workshop. Keith arrived at this conclusion by being a goat. 9:00am - Keith dismantled a section of hedge. This was less helpful. Keith does not have a perfect record. 10:30am - Keith escaped the field. He was in the road for eleven minutes. He ate a neighbour's rose. This is not being counted in Keith's environmental impact assessment. 11:00am - Keith was returned to the field. Keith regarded the farmer with the specific expression of an animal that does not recognise the concept of property. 12:00pm - Keith ate more bramble. His digestive system: four stomachs, a rumen full of specialised microorganisms, the ability to extract nutrition from lignified plant matter that would defeat any other animal on this field, is converting scrub vegetation into milk with a fat content of approximately 4.5%. The milk will become cheese. The cheese will be sold at the farm shop. The farm shop is four miles away. The cheese food miles are: four. 3:00pm - Keith produced manure. The manure will grow the grass. The grass will grow the bramble. The bramble will be eaten by Keith. This system has no inputs. It has been running since goats were domesticated approximately ten thousand years ago. Keith is not aware he is saving the planet. Keith is thinking about whether the fence on the north side has a weak point. It does. Keith found it at 4:45pm. Keith got out again.

Overheard on Southampton high street. “I just need to meet a really intelligent bird, yeah. I know it wouldn’t suit me, but she would change me” #overheard #lads #facts

WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA-

This man is buying birds just to set them free..🐦❤️

Lying in bed. Home alone. Bathroom light and fan come on randomly. #bestillmyheart #racing #scary

@hertsdad0405 Just cunts being cunts 🤣

@SLane80 Sending a big hug x Hope all is good x

Sometimes you’ve gotta ask “If your life and relationship is so great, why are you stalking my account?” #shedoesnttrusthim #delusional #victim #youcankeephim #fuckoff #itwillneverwork

BBC Radio 4 just mentioned that 12% of Americans believe that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.

Some very very nice noise tonight from the Gomez guys at @TheBrookSoton #byrequest #schoolnight #gigging #nicenoise

Dreams are weird! “Would you rather wine that tastes like quiche, or quiche that tastes like wine?” #nichequiche #lorraine