TrollDevil9000 📀

It’s easy being trolldevil9000 but the app needs me.

My uber delivery guys know me on a first name basis

They are having many thoughts

@Junencense @TrollGod9000 @301pushups Hahahaha it’s me the troll devil

@TrollGod9000 @301pushups Wait I thought it was you

“No you’re not allowed in the kitchen! You and your technique are all shameful!” No father… I will prove you wrong and work in the best restaurants in Europe!

Cooking is the only thing that brings me measurable joy. I’d throw it all away for my kitchen. If I was a chef again it would fix my life.

And what if I fucking killed you

God just texted me back about your life and he said “Lol!”

No matter what I do I’ll be a hypocrite when it comes to consumerism so I’ll fucking take the red40 and Funko pops

Somebody that only tries to find deeper meaning through shounen manga is a castrated slave.

Love is war and Israel is supporting my girlfriend

Put an end to those #male tweets immediately

Pussy reaching the post limit

I’m capable of great evil

Perfectly cut screams: live leak edition

Yanny and Laurel should have hot sex together

ricocheting back and forth in my head. My skull is a plastic bag that’s about to be ripped open by the weight of a watermelon.

Families be like. Can we see him?

My best friend was crushed to death by a boulder and I can’t even bring it up without laughing

I did try stand up and I bombed so bad I considered ramming my car into the building.

This time I’m really gonna do it