Alfred Pennyworth

A young fellow at the market just complimented me on my “drip”. …. What.

I’ve no earthly idea why this wretched app persists in recommending extreme right-wing accounts for me to follow. I went to war to stamp out that sort of nonsense, I’ll not stand for it on my timeline.

@BatzarroE1 That’s… that’s all right. No need.

@WrldsBestButler Me am no returned pies me not ate while you am here.

// apologies, life got intense. I’m still here.

At some point imax won’t be enough and they’ll just put us in a big tin can and shake it vigorously until our ears bleed. Good heavens.

@brucethwayne Terribly kind of you, Master Bruce. I’ll bring you something from the farmers market.

@WrldsBestButler I'll reschedule

Maybe I'll take Sunday off.

@TheBatman89SB “Some details I don’t need to know.”

@WrldsBestButler "She has one, but she likes to keep up her acrobatics."

In related news pretty sure Miss Kyle was on the roof last night attempting some sort of “booty call” but I put new locks on the windows. Apologies, madam.

@TheBatman89SB “Quite! I attended a local farmers market, perused an antique book store, and then managed to catch a viewing of the latest Dune film. I trust things were well in my absence?”

@WrldsBestButler "I hope your holiday went well, Alfred.

@brucethwayne Were you planning on getting into any trouble?

@WrldsBestButler If you wish

@TheBatman89SB "Then she hardly needed to sneak in through the window. Give the poor woman a key."

@WrldsBestButler "Alfred. Selina and I are married."

@brucethwayne Truly not.

@WrldsBestButler Hilarious

“And how much /is/ a Pennyworth? One damn cent!” A man at the dry cleaners makes this joke whenever I happen to see him there. It has yet to be funny.

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg Mmn, yes, well. If you can't resist target practice with the batarangs then I dare say we may find our Prime free delivery at risk.

@WrldsBestButler @dnightwingg Funny

The coffee machine is gone??

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg Already on its way, provided you can resist shooting down whatever delivery drone attempts to bring it.

@WrldsBestButler @dnightwingg Fine. Buy another one

@V3RG1LSPARDA @brucethwayne *discreet cough*

@brucethwayne you have a butler?

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg I assure you, if the coffee machine has gone missing, I had nothing to do with it. I am the one that makes the coffee in the morning, after all.

@WrldsBestButler @dnightwingg Pardoned

In what reality would I lie about having absconded with a coffee machine. Absurd.

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg I beg your pardon?

@dnightwingg He says he has no idea (he's lying)

@confidentialbat Very well.