Pinot Nüwaar

Baseball really needs more guys named Piano Legs.

MLB replay center Premier League VAR 🤝 Lengthy reviews ending in questionable calls

Man City will have more players at the World Cup than any other club in the world. 🇺🇸

adultery sounds like something george w bush would have said if he was talking about growing up

My sick action hero line before I kill a bad guy:

@Travispaints @quirked_up_anzu A new New Hope

@quirked_up_anzu I painted this one from an alternate timeline where he blows up the death star. Acrylic paint.

Right before Porkins is shot down, Biggs yells "Eject!" at him as if they aren't all wearing open helmets and wouldn't just die anyway in the vacuum of space

@KyleBrandt Golden Eye, four of your friends in multi-player golden gun mode with grenade launchers in the stack. Great stuff.

It was great. But Goldeneye was during the same era, and buddy first time you used the sniper scope thru the snow on Surface? You left this realm.

jeremy allen white get off that bruce springsteen nonsense and come get your oscar fr this time

Dp World tour event ending with a par 3 is chaotic

@east_tx_boy_85 @VanLathan OPS is my go to because when I am at a game and I don't know the other team's players, that's what I look at to determine if a guy is going to dangerous or not.

@VanLathan I go OPS in baseball. It's a testament to how complete of a hitter you are. You're not only hitting for contact to get on base, but you're also hitting for a power. Also, you probably have a good eye for pitches bcuz you draw walks or make pitchers pitch around you out of fear.

What’s the best stat in sports? The single best stat Sports to measure how good a player is

@BigRedRuckus Good for pace of play

Look, the rule is that a living person can't be printed on our currency. So if Trump wants his face on the $250 bill in time for our 250th anniversary, he's got a tough choice to make in a short amount of time.

So my buddy Jim email-intros me to his buddy Jordan. Jordan's an angel investor. Jim says we have a lot in common and should chat. OK, fine, Jim, I'll meet Jordan. Jordan replies and says "Ernie can help schedule it", cc'ing his EA, Ernie. I send Ernie my schedule availability for the following week. I tell him Monday is mostly open, Tuesday afternoon, and parts of Wednesday. I check back, and Ernie has replied saying, "Mr. Jordan has a very busy schedule, but he can see you on Monday at 4pm in Madrona at XYZ coffee place." I'm thinking, man, 4pm Monday is going to be brutal bridge traffic. Plus all the schools are letting out, it's gonna be snarled. But fine, whatever, if he's that busy, I'll leave early. I tell Ernie, fine. So Monday rolls around and I do the 20-minute drive in 45 minutes, as expected. I meet Jordan at the coffee place, and we decide to walk around the neighborhood. We get our drinks, start the walk, and our conversation goes like this: Me: So I see you've got yourself an EA! Or Chief of Staff? Jordan: Oh that's an AI. Me (internally): Mother fucker. I am going to wring Ernie's fucking neck. Me (out loud): Oh, that's nice. Jordan: It's a piece of shit, doesn't work very well. Me (internally): God DAMN it. How did I fail this Turing Test so badly? And how do I get one of these fuckin' things? I want one that says, "Well Mr. Yegge is phenomenally busy and can only see you at 3am in the graveyard!" and have it fight it out with Ernie. Me (out loud): That's cool. Well the drive over from Kirkland was pretty tough. Jordan: Oh you're in Kirkland? Jeez, if I'd have known I'd have met you halfway. Anyway that's my story. Fuck you, Ernie. Fuuuuuuuuck yooooooooou.

BREAKING: Zack Attack have pulled out of the Great American State Fair.

Well, he has tenure

“Where is my 5 iron? Is it safe? Is it alright?” “It seems, in your anger, you threw it into the lake…”

pov: you’re a priest who just asked ChatGPT to write your Sunday homily

One of the funniest parts about living in DC is all of the ads in the metro clearly targeted at one procurement officer in the Pentagon.

dear pope do Microsoft Teams next

Admittedly, telling your son you had to skip their wedding and then impulse-buying tickets just days later to get booed in a sports league you’ve shown zero public interest in for years would be a pretty hilarious bit