Her Tall Boots

oh there's plenty more mediocre where that came from baby

I once accidentally bought a 10x magnifying makeup mirror and it scared the shit out of me

no one tells you the older you get, the more often you check your weather app

@oelma__ stupid bot only posted that for likes/responses

First thing that comes to your mind..

@KevinBuffalo omg no offense, kev! I mean OTHER people's weather across the country! you translate Buffalo's total chaos into something people can read, thats why they pay you the big bucks!😘

@fuzzlime Blocked and reported

Unless there's a real and distinct possibility that your weather will kill you, I don't need to hear about it

walmart can be your happy place if you want it bad enough

@futwolfhardware separate OF COURSE

Do you hide your blackberry brandy and emergency cigarettes in the same place under the sink or do you separate them?

@oelma__ you're a stupid bot

My uncle was buried with his banjo. OSHA said if he hadn't been playing it the mine shaft probably wouldn't have collapsed.

my dad can break into almost any car using a frozen chimichanga.

Sure, I look like I have my life together, but I don’t what bougie is or if I like it.

Someone knocking on my door while I’m at home doesn’t mean I have to answer it. I can screen my knocks.

@GossipGreg @Bob_Janke yep. somebody at some point brought a shotgun to a park and thought "we ain't eatin' dried chicken again, we eatin' the fkn chandelier for dinner tonight, baby girl"

@Bob_Janke Do you have any detailed stories about that?

Do you think anyone’s ever eaten a peacock?

@Bob_Janke @aropeleash not if you have good stations

@aropeleash Free radio is unlistenable

So I've mentioned really liking 1970s Rock and or Roll bands, Jethro Tull AND Uriah Heep in the past and I just found out today - like a minute ago - that they're considered "progressive rock" so I guess I have to delete all of that now

@Bob_Janke listen to the soundtrack without voices

Honestly, how do you even know if someone is a good drummer

It's now or never! Or you know, whenever. It depends.

Old timey kid voice: Why I oughta!

Need more proof that we're the greatest country in the world? 65k kids who weren't smart enough to get into M.I.T. simulated a seismic event while drunk off their asses.

Remember the kid who would, without being asked, write down names of the other kids who cut up when the teacher left the room? All of them are on Bluesky.

I'm so fascinated by these birds. They're real, but prehistoric and animatronic all at once.

one time my dad fought 12 cowboys & a bartender at a dude ranch because they thought his smart phone was a witch.