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l๐ŸŒ™

@lanaskittens

25, she/her, aspiring writer & psychologist navigating AN recoveryโ™‘๏ธ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ

venice bitch ๊ฐ€์ž…์ผ AฤŸustos 2013
514 ํŒ”๋กœ์ž‰2.5K ํŒ”๋กœ์›Œ
๊ณ ์ •๋œ ํŠธ์œ—
l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
๐Ÿ’˜ I changed my @ from brokxnsmiles to lanaskittens bc I am no longer 13 so yes itโ€™s-a-me if you were wondering ๐Ÿ’˜
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
I can read back my old tweets and acknowledge about how miserable I was and stillโ€ฆI miss looking like that and I canโ€™t stop
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
yah all I ever do on this acc is occasionally come aback to wax poetic about how much I miss being sick a lot of the time but itโ€™s not socially acceptable to do it anywhere else and I need to get it off my chest
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
itโ€™s just the only time I felt pretty in my life, and could actually BELIEVE it when people complimented me
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
every time I see someone who looks like I am fighting not to just burst into tears because I cannot get over this self-hatred I have for my current body even though thereโ€™s nothing unhealthy about it
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
youโ€™re not supposed to say it and Iโ€™m supposed to feel differently and more so each day but itโ€™s actually like the urge becomes stronger as time passes not the other way round
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
Iโ€™m so tired because Iโ€™m supposed to be recovered or whatever yet thereโ€™s not a day that goes by atm where I donโ€™t wish I still had my anorexic body
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
I need to remember that freedom in my body is pointless if Iโ€™m trapped in my head
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
I think I just miss the feeling of embarrassment over simply existing tbh, I miss the sense of freedom and lack of shame I had towards body regardless of how sick and freaky I looked to everyone else, and how much concern that caused the most important people in my life
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
anorexia was shit, I was empty and irrational and exhausted and freezing cold ALL THE FUCKING TIME, I know this, so WHY on god is my first thought every single fucking time I take a picture โ€œwow I looked so much better thenโ€ like I need the vanity voice to stfu
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
@RKing7117 thank you for the welcome๐Ÿ˜
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
soo I never thought I would come back to this acc because I was honestly just living on autopilot and had 0 thoughts about anything, anorexia truly ROTTED my brain, but here I am because I need some kind of bloody outlet and Iโ€™m at a loss where else to find it๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
an anorexia diagnosis itโ€™s like this is some horrible self-destructive goal when 1). Iโ€™ve been in treatment for a year now and the diagnosis doesnโ€™t even fit me anymore 2). To lose weight would be beneficial for my mental and physical well-being. But yeah, advice appreciated x
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l๐ŸŒ™
l๐ŸŒ™@lanaskittensยท
I donโ€™t think anybody would ever tell someone who had gained the amount of weight I had and who felt this uncomfortable in themselves that reducing their daily intake a bit with the goal of getting back into the healthy BMI zone was a bad thing but just bc I started treatment w/
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