Aleks

me: im so hungry horse: *nervously* how hungry

water gently running through a stream: beavers: i have got to stop this

absolute thrill to give the pan a little shake when im cooking. no idea what the fuck im doing but it sure makes me feel fancy

Cop: you're going to prison for forgery Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now

[ad for milk] give your Skeleton strength for the war to come

crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle

A tree silently weeping as firemen steal its cat. Again!

the reason lobsters don't have vibrant, bustling cities with world-renowned architecture is because their claws know only destruction

Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again! Stuart Little: please, i’m not who you think i am my name is stu- Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef

Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder? McDonalds Boss: Again *rubs temples* you don't need to put Mc in front of words Me: Oh ok *turns back to customer* welcome to Donalds

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth me: no judge: [covers mic] what do I do

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