thomas

For @dirtyverse, I wrote a metareview (a review of reviews) of Kevin Killian's "Selected Amazon Reviews," and about how difficult it is to buy a good spatula on Amazon these days. Thank you @daisandconfused for the great edits!

JOSH STICK UR WHOLE FIST UP JALENS ASS RIGHT NOW FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

START BUILDING THE STATUE NOW NIGGA BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK LMAOOOO

Crazed jocks take to the streets tonight to maim bookish introverts. What else is new.

FROM NOW ON ADDRESS ME AS CHAMP! 🧡💙

NEW YORK CITY YOU LISTEN TO ME! IF YOU’RE NEAR SOME TRASH RIGHT NOW, ANY TYPE OF 24-HOUR TRASH, GO DISPOSE OF THE TRASH RIGHT NOW AND PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE THE OFFICIAL NYC BIN! YOUR TRASH IS OUR TRASH AS OF RIGHT NOW. CONGRATS KNICKS 💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡

Amazing moment for the five boroughs: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx, and of course Staten Island.

Wemby went from esoteric dude who trained w the monks and did things we had never seen before on a basketball court to ‘FUCK THAT FRENCH BITCH’ in the course of a month. It’s what makes America great lol.

This is like the opposite of 9/11

If the knicks win we’re carrying the t-rex skeleton from the museum of natural history to the front of MSG

My first day as a professor. I walk into the classroom and write one thing on the blackboard: Do you think Walter Benjamin ever experienced wet ass pussy? Discuss.

New textured haircut

Accutane update: I seem to be slowly emerging from the purge! Hair is a mess though.

If you’re a socialist then you’re more of a New Yorker than any conservative born here.

you can read my lengthy statement for THEM. lol

maybe i'm #toowoke but tall people should be allowed to enjoy music too

if you really wanted to be gay, you'd be gay

thumbs were made to be twiddled

nah fr nice underwear will change your life

If I ate a single 1 billion calorie cracker, how fast would I get fat