ufml

Have a pregnancy scare? well if you aren't pregnant you will never have to have the "I don't like condoms" conversation again

Burn yourself cooking?...chicks dig scars...and cooks...this is nothing but upside

get stood up for a date? well a hooker is probably cheaper than what you would drop on dinner and drinks anyway

"Alcoholic" is just another name for "life of the party"

can't stop smoking? Breathing is over rated anyway.

keep nodding off during class? start a rumor that you are a heroin addict...they'll all feel too awkward to interrupt your mid math nap

are you a bar tender forced to serve an alcoholic? can't change till you hit bottom, so help him hit bottom one huge tip at a time...

get trapped by an intervention? hey, free hugs...also rehab is filled with interesting people and stories

cat shedding everywhere? ...you probably needed a vacuum cleaner anyway you dirty bastard

lose your bus fare/metro card? maybe a homeless guy found it and now he can pleasure himself in the company of commuters...good deed...check

don't remember who the person in bed next to you is? maybe they don't either how many ppl get a second chance to make a first impression?

got a crazy roommate? it's cheaper than paying for cable...and if you have a video camera it's like having tivo

Cat crap on your bed? look at it this way...it's the only gift they have to give.

catch your girl cheating? well you were there first so as you are leaving make sure to ask the new guy how you taste

Stop being the door mat and start being the door

Car broke down? Think of all the cardio you'll get...now you dont have to feel so bad about letting that gym membership expire

shit rolls down hill so remember you didn't lose a promotion, you just gained a human shield

Dumped by your bf? cry for a day, go to the spa and treat yourself better than he treated you

You did NOT just lose you're job...you were presented with a "career changing opportunity".

Just got dumped by your gf? Spend a day grieving another at a strip club and enjoy all the things you couldn't while you were tied down.