Matt

The best stories always start with "Hold my beer for a second"

My lifetime ratio of bananas purchased to bananas eaten is running about 5 to 1.

I read this on a twitter profile 2day "No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep" nuff said

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands Osama Bin Laden's death certificate.

HahaaRT @Trendeh: Haters gonna hate, Gators gonna gate, Waiters gonna wait, Cheese-graters gonna grate. Potatoes gonna..potate.

If I worked as a porn star, I bet I would do a bang up job.

thanks @EpicMealTime my house is going to smell like bacon for 3 years at least. :)

"flop shoe like a skeedle on the deckered watch poo skin a hound slop some pete." @PaulMacrae

#highschooltaughtme that to kill a Woolly Mammoth you need to aim your spear at its soft underbelly.