benallen

All mine!

If an infinite number of monkeys played an infinite number of football games, not a single one of them would hit a home run. #mindboggle

Perfect night to kick back and watch an app on my Qwikster

My klout score rises each time someone mistakenly @ mentions me. I'm influential primarily by accident!

@benallen @benallen_ ben_allen your all cunts for nicking the username I want!!!! Get ya own fucking name!!!

Got hacked, need to change password from #dontfakethefunkonanastydunk

It has been a banner football season for pickup trucks, and it's been even better for #pickupcommercials. Think the Ford boys win this round

Hate to say it, but that Hawks game last night felt full of make-up calls for the terrible Super Bowl officiating.

With all this TSA banter, real news stories are going uncovered. Like did you see where Nissan has put a turbo engine into a sport-cross??

We have a new leader in the clubhouse! These new F150s have Variable Cam Timing and Direct Injection. Show me ANYONE else offering that.

Been doing the math and STILL can't figure out how Dodge crammed both a Hemi engine AND an Allison transmission into those trucks. Help?

Who is Thomas Kinkade if not the true Painter of Light? Trust in Him and His incandescent paintings.

Guess who just showed up THE BLUE F'ING ANGELS THAT'S WHO

A friend who can't take a surprise stomach punch as the joke it's meant to be is hardly a friend at all.

If U-R girl can't handle you at your rip-roaring worst, she don't deserve u at your normal/best. Please pass along to 5+ loved ones

The Bedrock yellow, orange, purple, lime and red. But to get the fruity taste, I gotta trick Fred.

I've created, I've created, I've created, I've created, I've created, I've created my own prisssssooOOOOoooonnnnn

I briefly added a couple celebrity tweeters, but all they do is retweet, reference inside jokes, and link to bullshit. Pretty lame stuff.

I'm glad you guys clicked through, despite my disguising of the URL in the shadiest possible way. This is fun: http://www.shadyurl.com/