cat❤️

REMINDER: February is going to be an amazing month bringing healing energy, blessings, clarity, happiness, an abundance of love, light, good health, and good vibes 🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬🪬

Fuck a 2 weeks notice. Yall shoulda noticed 2 weeks ago that i was bout to quit

the food and drink you consume in a movie theater doesn’t really go into your body. it goes into your movie theater body which is separate and holy and harm-proof

If social security is going to run out of reserves and only pay 77% of benefits by 2034 then why am I still paying hundreds per paycheck for something I won’t receive?

Eating 12 grapes under the table on NYE right when midnight strikes is said to bring luck in love and relationships. If you manage to eat the 12 grapes in time, you'll have a prosperous and very lucky year.

My child is desperately wiggling a loose tooth so she can force santa and the tooth fairy to meet and fight

rlly rlly beautiful women have rlly rlly gigantic foreheads

Idc how broke I am I always got money for food and a abortion

When them lil bitches start sellin cookies again?

Imagine Elon Musk takes over your job and fires you, not knowing your contract says you get $42,000,000 on the spot if this happens

adulting is cleaning your room before a trip and being so satisfied walking in the door when you return.

halloween vibes are in the air… (everyone i know is anxiously awaiting an amazon delivery containing crucial costume components)

It sucks you can’t google something happening in your life. What does my neighbor Derek do for work

my type in a man is one who gets mistaken for being gay

I cannot imagine having children. There were three days last week i was too lazy to feed myself and i was just cool with it. I’d be in jail.

Finally something for the REAL gamers out there.

in marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. reject tradition

Just had someone describe not using a calendar as “raw dogging memory.”