Dear Kavalier

@McDonalds giving us Mambo sauce and immediately taking it away was cruel.

Stopped by McDonald’s because I had a free burger on the app, but then I got free ketchup on my pants.

Is this still called a tweet?

Why did the Chick-fil-A employee cross the road?

TFW you’re having a bad day, but then your @SweetwaterSound rep calls you out of the blue. 💙

Thinking about changing our name to Kiera & The Knightleys.

The video for Everyone’s a Liar from our 2015 Modern Man EP had disappeared from the internet for a while, but it’s back now. Check it out if you’re into that sort of thing. youtu.be/6eaNbqqKbJs

Why do people say “the month of October” rather than just “October?” Is there any other thing October could be confused with that you have to specify it as a month?

What if the Mandela Effect is just the universe editing itself and gaslighting us into believing that it has been this way all along?

Do kids not learn Pig Latin in school anymore? The quality of education in America is really dwindling.

Middle aged is a state of mind.

I want to start a local public access version of America’s Got Talent and call it People In Our General Area Can Do Stuff.

@Arbys should change their roast beef sizes to “enough,” “too much,” and “regret.” I’d still order regret size every time, though.

We are playing a show on 7/31 at @themilestoneclub with @blurryboysatl @leavingforarizona and @alifeworthtaking #themilestone #emo #punk #supportlocalmusic instagram.com/p/CgIt1JFuc_g/…

So freaking stoked to be playing an adult punk rock prom tonight!!!

@benjaminkerley @basterdofyoung Definitely the coolest. I wish I still had it.

@basterdofyoung specifically @dearkavalier

A reverse mohawk is just an extra wide middle part.

My drive thru ordering persona is one of my more endearing qualities.

In terms of X’s and O’s, I always thought the X represented the crossed arms of an embrace and the O represented the puckered lips of a kiss, but it now occurs to me that I may have them backwards.