Erik Strauss

Pregnant women look so happy. I wonder if they know that their vagina is going to be ripped open by a little fucker.

Bros before hoes...Unless the hoes have no clothes.

A man once stabbed a woman to death after she lost his bag of Halloween candy.

My parents are the luckiest people in the world for having such an amazing child like myself.

If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not your true friends.

A Girl in China lost her Virginity at the age of 13, She was called "Sum Yung Ho"

Ellis Park... See you there, hopefully with a better ref.

Roughly 20% of a cigarette is sugar.

If you need to pee or smoke at a bar, place your coaster on top of your drink. It's universal bar language for, "I'm coming back."

A male lobster’s bladder is located in it’s head - When 2 males fight, they squirt each other in the face with urine.

Hmmm... She laughed at my joke... clearly this means she wants to have sex with me.