Jessica Michelle Singleton

I have a new hour special called, "Hi Y'all!" I released a little while ago on YouTube but for anyone who is too addicted to this app to go elsewhere, here it is:

See me live for more warm and fuzzy quotes! 👇Get tickets and/or request me in your city! punchup.live/jms/follow

This Week at Helium | @CrashDummiesPod, Aaron Branch, @JMScomedy, + @ZoltanCOMEDY! Grab tickets now: bit.ly/4h0DIJo

@LauraLoomer @NRSC If there's one thing we've learned this week, it's that being a politician on a list does absolutely nothing.

I am compiling a list of every single GOP Senator who attacked President Trump today, and I am printing it out and giving it to President Trump ahead of the @NRSC Winter Meeting in Palm Beach, Florida this weekend. If you see a GOP Rep attacking Trump today with false accusations of racism, please post below.

If you live in Minneapolis and have been thinking about coming to my show but feel weird because you'd be coming alone--GOOD NEWS! There's only one ticket left! THE UNIVERSE IS GIVING YOU A SIGN TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND JUST COME LAUGH! ccu.stageti.me/e/jessica-mich… SEE YOU TONIGHT!

@lavern_spicer looking like you groan out loud getting up from that chair talking about what olympians should and should not do is hilarious 😂💀

Dear USA Olympic Team I don’t wanna hear one muthafuckin word about your goddamn problems with ICE, TRUMP, or AMERICA. You chose to go over there to represent this country and that's what the fuck you should do. Don’t nobody wanna hear nothing about how it “brings up mixed emotions to represent the U.S. right now.” DONT nobody need your muthafuckin America-hating asses out their demeaning our country on the world stage. It's old it's tired its ghetto and its trifling. Its just like Ricki Gervais said: Do your muthafucking job. Accept your muthafucking award. And fuck off right back home to the country you hate but won't fucking leave. Am I clear bitches?

@L0V3L3ZZX I see 1982 Lionel Richie

Aparentemente, si usas el cerebro derecho ves un conejo, y si usas el cerebro izquierdo ves una tortuga. ¿Qué ves?

@RepJackKimble Replying live from the Olympics: they were booing and an Italian Nonna yelled, "Go home and fuck your couch!"

The crowd at the Olympics was not booing JD Vance. If you’ve ever been at a sporting event where they yell Coop or Lou it sounds very similar. They were yelling JD.

The failure of mainstream media to have adequately and fairly reported on the actions of ICE in the past does not negate how bad it was then nor does it change the reality of how dire the present situation is. Citizens are being murdered for exercising their rights. The government is blatantly gaslighting Americans. The FBI Director is infringing on our second amendment rights. And the FUCKING Clintons are trying to capitalize on the situation by using it not to testify about the Epstein files, which the Justice Department has been in breach of the law for not releasing them for over a month. You actually don't have to pick a side, guys. It's okay to hate them all.

If you only invoke the Second Amendment after children are murdered in their schools, but defend the government when it claims someone deserved to be executed for being legally armed, then you do not believe in the Second Amendment

THIS IS A BLATANT LIE: They are gaslighting us again. Under the Second Amendment and MN Stat. 624.714, permit holders may legally carry firearms in public, including during protests. The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that public carry is a constitutional right. Carrying a firearm does not legally constitute "inciting

Greg Bovino is openly threatening free speech. He says if you call federal agents “kidnappers” or “Gestapo,” there will be “consequences.” That’s intimidation.

@scottmacs Not people who feel the same about issues, people who feel the same about how they approach a conversation. But now that you bring it up, your idea does sound much nicer. And maybe no recording at all!!!

@JMScomedy I can't say for sure, because I'm not old enough to know, but it sounds like you want to go to a quiet bar with friends and talk without cellphones (and then post the recording on the Internet).

I want to do a "debate me" style show but not to prove anything, just to see if I learn anything new that I haven't considered.

@TheMaineWonk I have critical thinking skills and I utilize them regularly.

Tell me where you stand politically without telling me where you stand politically. I’ll start: I can read & comprehend above 6th grade level.

I'm editing old clips and one is a joke I ended up making about this so I wanted to come back and say he saw this tweet after I posted it and texted me to offer me ONE SCONCE.

My ex is uninstalling all the sconces and taking them when he moves out because figuratively taking the light out of my life wasn’t enough.

Stars! They’re just like the rest of us! (Clinically depressed.)

@TheStalwart If any European leaders are reading this: we don’t.

I don’t know if European leaders understand how much the average American desires Greenland.

Every multi-millionaire not demanding to know who is in the Epstein Files is in it and nothing besides the release of them will convince me otherwise.

BREAKING: ICE is violating civil rights in Minnesota by racially profiling U.S. citizens, including off duty police officers of color. Brooklyn Park Police Chief Bruley: "It has to stop." Arrest them, Chief.