Jack Fair

Today's winner of the Internet. Congratulations!

The Onion has just reached a deal to acquire Infowars, taking it from Alex Jones after he lost it in proceedings following the Sandy Hook lawsuit loss. The new show/site will parody people like Jones, but also sell merchandise of which Sandy Hook families will get a share of the proceeds. The New Infowars logo is colored like a rainbow:

We've reached the stage of this war where even Iran is mocking us for all the blatant insider trading and market manipulation going on in this administration.

"Veteran's Against Fascism," including disabled veterans, were arrested inside of the Capitol building today as they staged a protest against Trump's war in Iran. This is Trump's America.

Nothing’s changed since this 1992 Carlin clip. Same script, bigger budget.

Would YOU date a redhead with a caffeine addiction? ☕

Ossoff: "How does American politics really work? It's coin operated. Money goes in, favors come out. It's been running on secret money, corporate money, billionaire money ... all of this gave rise to a depraved president who exploits this rot to empower and enrich himself"

Amazon, which saved $4B in taxes under Trump's Big Ugly Bill, has cut 30,000 jobs since last October. Verizon, which saved $2B, plans to cut 15,000 jobs this year. Meta, which saved $3B, plans to lay off 20% or more of its workforce. Trickle-down economics is a cruel joke.

This man exhibits the supreme confidence of someone who has no idea that he has no idea what he's talking about

🚨THIS IS THE BEST CLIP OF HIS ENTIRE RALLY. 🔥 JON OSSOFF: “Did you hear what Trump said two weeks ago? Quote, “It's not possible,” the president said, “for us to take care of daycare, Medicaid, or Medicare. He said we can only afford to fund war.  Then released a budget demanding $1.5 trillion or the Pentagon next year alone — paid for by ending utility assistance for families, canceling affordable housing programs, and cutting cancer research … all to fund a huge increase for the military industrial complex. Because draft-dodging Donald loves sending other people’s children to war." Boom.

The guy suing because we saw his tax returns, wants US to give up our rights. The guy suing because the FBI searched his house for stolen Top Secret doc's, wants us to give up our rights.

Trump after signing his name: “Oh, that's a good one. Look at that, Joe. Do you think Biden can do that?” Then they all clapped. Like a bunch of idiots in a fucking cult. Jesus Christ MAGA is fucking pathetic.

4'8", b cups, theater nerd with a soft spot for LEGO and older men. What are the odds I’m your type?

4’8”, b cups, theater nerd with a soft spot for LEGO and older men. What are the odds I’m your type?

Can this 4'8" redhead brighten up your Sunday? 😘

45 minutes left in Market Manipulation Friday.

Trump is about to lock 157 million Americans out of their own bank accounts. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent confirmed an executive order forcing every US bank to collect proof of citizenship is "in process." And he just doubled down: "If Treasury and the banking regulators say it's their job, it's their job." This sounds irrelevant but here's what this really means: Per the Congressional Research Service, only 48% of Americans hold a US passport. That leaves over 170 million Americans without one. REAL IDs don't count. Driver's licenses don't count. Social Security cards don't count. Per Wall Street Journal reporting, banks will need a passport or birth certificate. The Brennan Center found 21.3 million voting-age US citizens don't have documents proving their citizenship easily available. These are Americans who are about to lose access to their own bank accounts. And here's the thing: The order applies to new AND existing customers. Banks could be forced to close accounts of people who can't produce documents. Your 78-year-old grandmother born at home in 1948. Your naturalized dad who lost his papers 30 years ago. Your cousin mid-passport renewal. The official story is that this stops illegal immigrants from accessing banking. But the actual reality: Illegal immigrants can't open US bank accounts anyway. Know Your Customer rules already require SSNs or ITINs. The existing system ALREADY blocks what this order claims to block. So who does this actually target? The half of Americans without a passport. Rural Americans. Elderly Americans born before centralized record-keeping. Black Americans in Southern states where birth records were historically unreliable. Low-income Americans who can't afford $225 for an expedited passport. The American Action Forum, a center-right think tank, estimates this adds 33 to 73 million paperwork hours and $2.6 to $5.6 billion in compliance costs. Guess who pays those costs? You do. Through fees. Through closed accounts. Through denied loans. Bessent's defense quote: "I have a place in the UK, they want to know who lives in every apartment." Bessent's net worth: $600 million. He has a "place in the UK." He will not be affected by this. So this isn't really about immigration. For the first time in American history, access to the banking system would be conditioned on proving citizenship to the federal government. That creates a permanent database linking every American's finances to their citizenship status. Once that database exists, it gets used by ICE, voting enforcement, tax enforcement, Social Security, and future administrations for purposes nobody has announced yet. Every future government gets the keys to decide who has a bank account based on paperwork. And Wall Street's reaction tells you everything: Bank execs privately called it "unworkable" and "a complete nightmare." One researcher called it "a way to weaponize the banking system to achieve political ends." They're not pushing back because they love immigrants. They just KNOW the compliance costs are catastrophic and half their customers will walk. Tom Cotton also introduced a companion bill in March making it a federal crime for any unauthorized person to "open or maintain a US bank account." Maintain. Meaning existing accounts. These things are literally being drafted right now. I'm surprised that all of this went under the radar.

These Soldiers are using “War Pigs” which is one of the most famous Anti-War songs there is by Black Sabbath to apparently hype themselves up for training or deployment. I’m not sure if they actually know that this song is a Protest song against War profiteers and Generals!

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MAGA: We are going to mid-decade redistrict in Texas to eliminate Blue Districts so you can’t win midterms! DEMS: Ok thanks. We are going to push back and do the same thing in blue states like CA & VA. MAGA: YOU CAN’T DO THAT! THAT IS CHEATING AND UNDEMOCRATIC! DEMS: