Jon

When ur so hungry u can't decide what to eat first vine.co/v/ivJbnYWeVDB

It’s not really drinking alone if the dog’s home.

I live by one rule: never trust a fat vegan.

I love sleep because it's like a time machine to breakfast.

Sometimes I'll flush a few slices of pizza down the toilet just to let the Ninja Turtles know i miss them.

Girls who don't ask for much deserve it all.

My alcohol tolerance is too high for my paycheck

Oh you dated another douche bag and he screwed you over?? How fucking shocking.

phones are getting skinnier and smarter while people are getting fatter and dumber

Couches pull out .. the Stifmeister doesn't