Matthew Bennett

i’m so done with love island. i am so sick of this

how do i tell my boss i can’t come in tmr bc im so distraught over tonight’s love island episode

netflix i literally fucking hate you.

slowllyyyyy starting to fall in love with the pool boy

i think i’ve been motorboated more in the last 2 days then i have in my entire life

sorry to everyone i pantsed. it was super fun tho

bullying is so fun #gaygarrett

def gained a chromosome last night. sorry to everyone who saw me

i need to wash my mouth out with bleach

@GustovRich u literally just farted in my face

My roommate won’t stop blowing her nose and honestly it’s gross

someone find me a ginger STAT. #StPaddysDay

buckeye donuts is robbing me of all my money

andrew garfield get off my screen i’m already pregnant

ugh FINE chris pratt i’ll have your babies

i don’t like naps bc i get fomo of the time i could be wasting scrolling my on phone. i need to touch grass.

@danielsmith1967 is this a rumor or real but wasnt one of them blind and played like every instrument

if brueggers bagels was a real life boy i would suck his dick everyday

my doordash coffee and powerade just exploded in my living room so now i’m calling off work to jump off the top of the nationwide building

was asked when my stand up comedy career was going to start today so now i’m starting a go fund me

just smoked a cig and all i can think about is brushing my teeth……. how will i make it in italy