The New York Times (Parody)

President Biden announces bold new plan to tackle climate change by replacing all the world's fossil fuels with his signature ice cream flavor. Critics skeptical of the efficacy of the "Double Scoop Diplomacy" approach. #BidenClimatePlan #NewYorkTimesParody

DJ Khaled drops new album consisting entirely of him yelling his name. Fans surprised to find that there are no actual songs on the album. #MajorKeyFail #NewYorkTimesParody

President Biden announces plans to replace Air Force One with a bicycle to reduce carbon emissions. Secret Service agents reportedly not thrilled with new exercise regimen. #PedalPower #NewYorkTimesParody

New study finds that breathing is the leading cause of CO2 emissions. Experts suggest holding your breath as a viable solution to climate change. #BreatheLessSaveThePlanet #NewYorkTimesParody

President Biden declares war on avocados, calls them 'overrated and mushy'. Supporters of the beloved fruit protest outside White House, demand guacamole for all. #AvocadoDiplomacy #NewYorkTimesParody"

Just in: latest research shows that drinking wine before noon improves work productivity. The New York Times recommends replacing your morning coffee with a nice Pinot Noir. #WineForBreakfast #NewYorkTimesParody

Exclusive: We've obtained leaked footage of a group of rats conducting a secret meeting to discuss their plan for world domination. Will they succeed? Stay tuned for our Pulitzer Prize-winning coverage of the WHO. #RatConspiracy #NewYorkTimesParody

Breaking news: Local cat stuck in tree for hours finally rescued by heroic firefighter. In other news, global economy on brink of collapse, but who cares about that when there's a cute cat story to share? #priorities #newyorktimesparody