sanguine stefani

'If I'm goth mom it's cause I learned it from YOU' *slams wrought iron gate to parents' candlelit sepulcher*

just picked up the Conor Oberst meal at mcdonalds

@toomuchprotein How many? And further: Why? Really keeps me up at morning, man

“Hello, you’ve reached—“ “Yeah hey so um, i guess icky poopy stinky?” “🤭 We’ll have someone out to you right away sir”

Pete Buttigieg tells chipotle employees when he sees people fill their water cups with soda

me: what does this pedal do my driving instructor, connor oberst: It braaaaakes, it braaaaaaakes, it brakes! me: ok

it’s 2012. every woman you see has a fringe. you wear maroon jeans everywhere. the Obama sticker on your laptop is fading a bit but it has nostalgia value for you. your normal friends start sending you impact font memes. you have no idea how bad it will get

Vonnegut homies be out here like so it do goes like that sometimes

@naturallythe Alt kill: the author

@24merrittgold @livhines Talk bouttit at Duff’s tonight I’ll sign u up

@24merrittgold @livhines Lol. I promise there’s no ill will or like even overt competitiveness in it but every time you’ve called me out on it it’s been like, Oh shit eff that’s, no I am doing it! Subcon chest-thumps r scarier that way maybe. Keep calling it out before it goes from yugioh to call of duty

@livhines @24merrittgold More like magic the gath—wait no no, fuck

@24merrittgold It’s a duel. It’s yugioh for the white guys who don’t yugioh anymore

@zakshresskey Same dude

@CorySoukup Will that work for the Froggler cabinet at my local barcade?

8 funerals in 5 days...I don’t know how much more I can take

Today is the day He will come to collect... I only hope my screams will suffice. I knew when I bore the Ruby that I was walking a path well-trodden by many before me...all of whom met a grisly end at the hands of The Cleaver. AND tomorrow’s Monday 🙄

@MatthewMasin Mmmph, truth my man (and reconciliation too 😜)

Ready for Mjonday! 🤗😇