octopus/caveman

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

@spicy_tori I was so tired

@octopuscaveman the pettiness is actually inspiring 😭

There’s a whole high school football team in my hotel being loud assholes so I told their chaperone I saw some kids smoking weed by the dumpsters. Now there’s like 40 kids in the parking lot doing push-ups at 10pm

@BaconCreek Same with wrestling

@octopuscaveman That is pretty much who participates in Power Lift. FB players

@triggerforhire @1990AO1974 Probably not but it got me some quiet time to sleep

@octopuscaveman @1990AO1974 I think what you did was honorable

@TriggaTrev8 @RichR11511 Dude I have no idea what the fuck they’re doing here other than being loud assholes lol

@RichR11511 @octopuscaveman This nigga keeps saying that he thinks they were doing a “college tour” like the entire fucking team goes on college visits together. Fuck this fraud.

@1990AO1974 Every day of my life but still fuck them kids

@octopuscaveman Have you considered the fact that you suck?

@poopman0055050 It’s Abilene Texas. They’re all white.

@octopuscaveman Are they all negroes or is there a token white quarterback?

@OuttaPockett_ @VegasAdjacent I stay in them regularly for firefighting jobs

@octopuscaveman @VegasAdjacent Why are you in a hotel to go home or has it burned to the ground as well

@GreasyPencil @sphenreckson Wish I did. These assholes were very loud

@octopuscaveman @sphenreckson I assume you made it up lol

@sphenreckson I assume local college tour

@octopuscaveman A high school football team? In March? Why?

@VegasAdjacent Fuck them dude Im tired from literally saving their houses from fire lol

@thatgirlj88 Girl, same

@octopuscaveman I think I’m in love with you

@BlindGrigori It starts with just a sip. Then you get addicted

@octopuscaveman How does a fella even get mixed up in that kind of thing?

Eric “Badlands” Booker just broke the record for most piss drank in under a minute

@JerseyGeneral34 Seemed weird to me too dude but there’s a university nearby so I’m thinking it’s college tour time

@octopuscaveman In March? 🤔

Red Riding Hood saw this and was like “that’s my grandma”

@caitlin_mmm This is clearly a mom Fox seeing her children misbehaving in the distance

A Tibetan fox looks like someone tried to draw a fox from memory with their non dominant hand

@RyanGuerra12 Dammit Ryan

Hey @octopuscaveman I'm having chili for dinner, but can't remember, is it a soup?

@itspoppybitch_ I felt bad for the guy that they did him dirty like that and then I went and made it worse

@octopuscaveman honestly the impersonator should have arranged w the bar for private accommodations to get dressed, or get dressed before he got there, OR be fine letting people use the bathroom for normal toilet reasons lmfao

One night in September 2012 i was drinking at a wine bar in Idaho Falls and I tried to use the restroom but there was an Elvis impersonator getting dressed for his performance in there. He asked me if it was a #1 or #2 and I said It’d be really quick #1 1/3

@Salinger477093 Val was such a great Elvis

@octopuscaveman This makes me want to watch True Romance