Pat Sajak

“Please hold. Your call is important to us.” Just not important enough to hire a sufficient number of operators to answer the phones. Back to the music.

One of the melancholy side effects of growing older is the lengthening list of deceased persons on your phone’s contacts list. I would delete them, but it seems excessive since they’ve already been deleted.

@WilliamShatner Glad to hear it, Bill. For a moment there, I was shattered.

So I understand that tabloids say my shoulder was shattered.🧐 Dramatic. 🎭Colorful. 🌈 Completely untrue. 🚫 It was a routine procedure.🤷🏼 I’m so well that tomorrow I’ll be in Cleveland at a convention. Remember that tabloids don’t let facts get in the way of a good headline.😉

I know you’ll think I’m making this up, but I swear it’s true. I saw a customer in a mattress store today.

I’ve just been purchased by Paramount.

There’s good news for those who think show business has too heavy an influence on society. Thanks to Ozempic, the entertainment industry has lost an estimated 3,500 tons.

@RobertIrvine It is, indeed. Hoping the same is true for you!

A Giant amongst men , and a great human being to boot . Hope all is well pat 😎🙏💯

Not that it’s important enough to lose sleep over, however: Pedal Boat: Powered by foot pedals, often with a hidden paddle wheel or propeller. Paddle Boat: Powered by paddles used with your arms, like a canoe or kayak. Most small rental boats with seats and pedals on lakes are technically pedal boats but are commonly called paddle boats because their mechanism involves paddling (a paddle wheel).  Now we can all relax.

@GreenTengu @CNviolations It’s a boat with pedals that are used to drive its propulsion system-PADDLES! The boats are called paddle boats not pedal boats. Fire whoever came up with that puzzle! And shame on @patsajak for participating in this farce.

Bro- 😭

An icon and a former TV game show host.

Most people who disparage so-called Dad Jokes are just sorry they didn’t think of them first. Feel free to leave yours here.

There seem to be a lot of angry people out there these days. Maybe they should stop and scream at the roses.

I love this restaurant. Pretty classy of them to personalize these for me!

Screwed again by @goldenglobes Bastards!

@GloriaLoring Happy birthday from your Super Password pal!

To all my loyal MySpace followers: thanks for 20 wonderful years. More fun to come!!

It’s really pathetic when well-to-do celebrities tag companies like @ROLEX or @TiffanyAndCo or @BMW or @LouisVuitton just trying to get free things.

I proudly salute my fellow veterans. Thanks to you all.

Apparently the most common side effect from prescription drugs advertised on TV is an irresistible urge to sing and dance.

More ungrateful trick-or-treaters complaining about the spaghetti I’m handing out. I was even thoughtful enough to avoid any mess by not cooking it.