Duncan player retweetledi
What Starmer should say:
I am sorry, I turned the country against itself, in the wake of Southport I chose to attack those grieving and stoke division. I spent 19 seconds laying flowers and then went to a drinks party. I have spent two years pandering to Muslims, recognising Palestine, removing the two child benefit cap and spending hundreds of millions protecting mosques from an imaginary threat. I actively loathe British people, you embarrass me by going out to work and not fucking your cousins, you are not the community I talk about protecting.
I have offered nothing but dither, corruption and economic malaise. I have exhibited the warmth and charisma of a plate of chilled luncheon meat. Everytime I have shown myself up to be inadequate I have lashed out like the angry, brittle man I am, who was mercilessly bullied for playing the flute at my fee paying grammar school.
I have built a cabinet of the most venal, retarded and envious people I could find. The currency of my Government has been deceit, I lie so often I dont even know what the truth is anymore.
I travel the world because I like the sensation of DVT tights on my legs. The feeling of power on the world stage makes little Keir tingle and it is the closest I've ever come to feeling a human emotion, apart from that one time I prosecuted a British solider for protecting our country, how I leaked that day.
It's clear the circus of retards in my party want me to leave, so in one last act of spite I am calling an election before retiring to Mauritius with my boyfriend Lord Hermer.
English
