Real Kaplan

Twitter just got a whole lot Twittier. @Kaplan_Premium. Apply today.

RT @kaplan_premium Wow, it's cold today in New York! At SilverCup Studios,in Queens, Lena Dunham canceled a nude scene. It's just that cold.

BREAKING: First photo (5:47 am) of Mayor de Blasio statue replacing Christopher Columbus statue in Columbus Circle.

Wish you could follow through on your impulse to hand your coat to a homeless guy? Soon, you will! Bill de Blasio. He'll make it happen.

I was in the original Fleetwood Mac. We were called The Barnstormers.

Jets win!

Ladies and gents, the most boring guy on Twitter. RT @normmacdonald: But the Rams on 3rd and 7, deep in their own territory, convert.

Oh just fuck off. RT @morrowchris: Gravlax with buckwheat pancakes #brooklyn #grand @janelerner #food ”

So a bunch of whiny soggy writers are leaving New York because they suck? And there's a book? That's the story?

FML. RT @JohnJGeddes: I hate you. I want to answer you, not with weak or stupid poetry but with a wonder as strong as your reality.

I'm over here now. RT @JohnJGeddes: I open and shut my eyes to you at night—whether you’re here, is immaterial. You occupy my ether

Again,just pay me back the $20. RT @JohnJGeddes: I couldn’t keep you except whisper to you in immense darkness and hope your soul could hear

Actually, if you give me the. $20 you owe, we're good. RT @JohnJGeddes: You hate me. We’re frozen in a tableau vivante of fury and deep need

.@morningmoneyben If you need the Kap to ride shotgun on your wedding night, just say the word. I memorized most of Anais Nin in college.

She's a beauty. You're a lucky guy. Her, we all must pray for. RT @morningmoneyben: @real_kaplan it's @jaw229 who as far as I can tell is n

I call bullcrap on Lady Gaga.

Did not realize your fiancée was a man. My bad :( RT @morningmoneyben: @real_kaplan who needs more than three minutes?

Chin up. RT @rachelrosenfelt: FB message excerpt from man whose advances were rebuked last night. He's looking for a woman with a mind!

You found a gal who can stand you for more than 3 minutes of sex? RT @morningmoneyben: buddies taking me to game Monday for my bachelor part

@robdelaney His wife is telling the seagulls? Or he is? Anyway, poor guy.