Sara Land (Uzer)

31.4K posts

Sara Land (Uzer)

Sara Land (Uzer)

@sara_uzer

Writer & editor. Mostly relatable rants.

Katılım Şubat 2011
3.4K Takip Edilen1.3K Takipçiler
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
My dreams be like: “You seem stressed. Would you prefer to lose all your teeth tonight or return to high school?”
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
It’s deeply unserious that I’m somebody’s mother, but still have to do a little jump to reach things in my house.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
It’s so cute how my daughter has a matching bow for every outfit she owns and I’ve been wearing the same spit up-stained shirt for three days.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Me: *finally feeling like myself again* Postpartum hair loss:
Sara Land (Uzer) tweet media
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
“Why does my back hurt so bad lately??” I ask myself, while bending over to pick up the toys my baby flung off her high chair for the hundredth time.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Me: “I’m just going to put you down for a few minutes so I can make lunch.” My baby:
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Everyone talks about the “newborn trenches,” but not enough people talk about the sleep regression that conveniently occurs right when you go back to work. 😭
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Me before baby: “I’m such a minimalist.🤪” Me after baby: *trips over all the baby contraptions in the living room and proceeds to buy one more*
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Thanks, but I’d rather doom scroll.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Transcribing interviews is always a great reminder that no matter how professional I try to be, I will always sound like Kristin Cavallari.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
Me: “Why are all men obsessed with YouTube? I just don’t get it.” Also me: *Watches TikToks for 6 hours straight*
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
“Stop shrinking to fit places you’ve outgrown.✨” - Me to myself when I try to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
“If I’m too much, then go find less.” - the worst person you’ve ever met
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
I love how “Cool” by Gwen Stefani is always playing in the store when I’m actually fighting for my life.
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
I like Sabrina Carpenter because she’s giving the 4’11 community the representation it deserves.
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Sara Land (Uzer) retweetledi
Glizzie Borden
Glizzie Borden@misha_loves_you·
That season of house of the dragon could’ve been an email
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
“Biden definitely didn’t write that letter!” I’m begging you all to realize that public figures quite literally NEVER write their own statements lol.
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Sara Land (Uzer) retweetledi
Chloe Caldwell
Chloe Caldwell@bychloecaldwell·
Freelancing is fun until you’re waiting on $2500 worth of payments
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Sara Land (Uzer)
Sara Land (Uzer)@sara_uzer·
I just re-watched the Degrassi episode where Jimmy gets shot and that show had no business being so intense. Why am I crying over Drake right now??
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