Anheusers_Bush

Thanking whatever god there is that circle K accepts tap to pay for my cigarettes

Ghiblifying the emo girls diet

She don’t know about my master plan to make an absolute fool of myself

You’re in her DMs. I’m gripping a spoon like a monkey eating homemade dogfood out of a metal bowl FaceTiming her in the shower

When potential spam calls and my fatass tries to eat the phone

As long as she doesn’t update her Instagram story before texting back I won’t put a 9 millimeter bullet through my head

You’ll never be her, she hates me 😮‍💨

Shawty built like a wine decanter

Don’t ever tell me shit about a movie that’s coming out in 2 years

Nah dude, it’s actually really cool of you to celebrate 4/20 as a near 30 year old man making 8$ over minimum wage

Searching “boobs” on Indeed

I love when someone clearly lets weeds grow a bit out of control in their front yard and whoever moved in after thinks it’s like landscaping and trims around it like it’s a bush or some shit but it’s definately just a shit pile of overgrown weeds

MY BITCH BUILT LIKE DON FRYE

Putting my sexts in a program to tell me if it’s Ai or not

Sending my sexts off to a proof reader

If you compliment my hair I will bear your children

Does this mean the date is off for the foreseeable future, foid?

Baby I’m listening to Amerie right now I don’t have time to play with your emotions

Cigarette mogging outside the local coffee shop

No better feeling then pulling sets at the gym then smoking a cig right infront of the big windows with my hands cupped over the glass so I can meet peoples eyes