Ariel Elias

Hey I'm funny over on Threads (ariel_comedy) and Bluesky (arielcomedy). It's been fun

Come to a show, talk to me afterwards if you want. Tell me about how you saw that crazy video. It's honestly my favorite thing in the world. I'll see you out there.

My venus fly trap caught three flies. It's just so nice to see someone do what they said they were going to do.

Bachelor party made a mistake

New York City this Saturday @dinahashem_ @MartinUrbano @AnthonyDeVito_

Get tickets: punchup.live/show/411aec77-…

Cool show alert! This Saturday at @caveatnyc with @AnthonyDeVito_ @dinahashem_ and @marti

Nerds rejoice. I'm hosting a game show based around Venn diagrams @caveatnyc 9/14

Some people say the key to a successful marriage is communication, but it's actually keeping your mouth shut when they send you anything from the Internet that you already saw two weeks ago.

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

The party bus lobby must be so strong. You're not allowed to ride in a car without a seatbelt, unless you're drinking and dancing on a pole. What an incredible loophole.

I watch more than a modicum of garbage trash TV, which surprises some people because I use words like modicum.

Kristi Noem: No one will top my bizarre animal killing stories. RFK Jr.: Hold my bear.

RFK jr trying to lock up the woman vote by finding the weirdest way possible to choose the bear

I know I'm in Colorado because the guy who picked me up from the airport told me he liked me because I'm quiet.