Bartender Rant

I get that putting together toys on Xmas Eve is a hassle but hooking up with your high school ex in the bar bathroom isn’t gonna make it easier. Go home to your family.

The only thing isis and I agree on, karaoke night is the worst.

Anytime you ask for green beer a leprechaun dies.

Lemon drops shots are the universal order of a night going to hell.

Sorry Chad, the presence of a Jaeger machine cannot be used as a defense in court

People that say “smoky treats”should be sent to The Hague .

When you say “ it’s too nice out to not get drunk” all I hear is “go ahead and add 20% to my bill and I’ll be pick up my card tomorrow”

This is so good

Every bar should have one bartender working thats dedicated to NOT making craft cocktails...for efficiency sake.

“Sorry we’re not open yet” “But you’re here” “Yep” “Fine I’ll just take a quick beer” “We’re not open yet” “This is bullshit”

I just heard a bartender ask a guy if he wanted something “spirit forward” I’m on the run for murder now.

Honey, if enough people retweet me and I can get 100 followers then you can get a popsicle.

It’s illegal to wear a bikini until you’re 18.

Nobody is allowed to sell cookies until 11am today. I agree it is a stupid law.

Paw Patrol isn’t on TV anymore. Nope, neither is Dora.

If you say swear words your teeth will fall out.

Nothing says the holidays like hearing a guy tell his 21 year old cousin how hot she’s gotten. So glad we made the family bar crawl list.

I want a straight gin martini. Can you make it not taste like gin though? I hate gin. #StupidQuestionsForBartenders

"We've got some wine to crush" says guy who thinks he's satisfied everyone woman he's been with. Spoiler 🚨: never has.

Hey ladies, the pudgy guy with the Celtic knot necklace is looking to tell you your political stance is wrong and dry hump. *must be hot