Larry David

@springsteen Here's a way to alienate fans. Dynamic pricing. Great job Bruce!

More shows in GA, MO, WA, WI, OH, NY, & MI on sale tomorrow! All links at brucespringsteen.net/shows

I'm at the age where I take Viagra so I don't roll off the bed in the middle of the night.

10 days in and I've already accomplished my New Years Resolution. I'm no longer friends with Tim, my former friend who doesn't like pizza.

You know, I believe they need to rethink this social distancing strategy. 12 feet minimum if you're at your job.

Pre-tty, pre-tty…

This one hurts. RIP Funk-Man.

I don’t go places where there’s a slight chance I have to parallel park.

Online recipes...the worst. Too much pandering. No one cares Tammy about who loved your veal cutlets. Just give me the fucking recipe. Unbelievable.

Halloween idea, put an Eli Manning jersey on. Instead of throwing candy to the kid at the end of sidewalk, check it down to the front door.

Just mail your money to the casino office, save yourself the gas.

@billburr Whoa! The Yanks are fucking walking here!

The fakin sawx dood.

Now, it’s time for some Feats of Strength.

@BroadwayJulie Fatwa?

Today, tell everyone exactly what you think of them. Happy Festivus

Want a vacation? Send your significant other somewhere nice for a week.

So when does Pokemon Go become a cash cow for Uber drivers?

Curb Your Enthusiasm - Larry and Richard Lewis @HBOCurb My favorite fight with Ld. youtube.com/watch?v=be8AWF…

Seems like you Schmohawks missed Curb Your Enthusiasm pre-tty, pre-tty, pre-tty bad. #Curb9

Pretty, pretty, pretty good news for "Curb Your Enthusiasm" fans nyti.ms/1Yq4EWr

There's always that one asshole who finds a reason to take off his shirt in the middle of winter.