Ted Flaffenflerty

Hi Everyone, it's Ted! I love you all so much but also become burn victims OK THANK YOU!

@LeeCherolis - Hi Lee, it's Ted. I just wanted to say that you've got the twit thing down pat and that its fantastic and also SHUT UP.

@SamanthaKyle - Hi Sam, it's Ted. As much as I hate everything you do I absolutely adore your website please make more hats I won't order!

@LeeCherolis - Hi Lee, It's Ted! Thank you so much! Using this will seriously cut into the time I use to name my feces after you, though ...

Hi You, It's Ted. I just wanted to thank everyone for making me feel like pooping really, really big is very OK. America! Fantastic, thanks!

Hi Everyone, It's Ted. I just wanted to let you know that I totally missed the bowl today. But don't worry, I took pictures. Great, thanks!

@LeeCherolis - Hi Lee, it's Ted. I just wanted to thank you for that last twitter, it was completely retarded. Just kidding, die, okay? THX!

@LeeCherolis - Hi Lee, it's Ted again. How do I make your twitter avatar bigger? I want to make it bigger. Like, huge. Whoa, thank you!

Hi Everyone, it's Ted. I just wanted to let you know that I am wafting the suaciest fart I've ever made at my own face. Fabulous? Cosmic!

Hi WWW, it's Ted. This morning's char-black pepto-poop is dedicated to you, you fabulous retards! I love you, thanks so much! Die, thanks!

Hi kids, it's Ted. Why is everyone down on fake people? True, they could be self inflatable, but I love blowing them! Up! Up, you whores! <3

@LeeCherolis - Hi Lee, It's Ted. I am magical, OK rumprashes? But seriously, I didn't forget you! I've named 402 of my feces after you! #die

Hi terra-firma, it's Ted! Ever had a porcupine poop? I disagree about it, it feels more like a vole clawing its way out of my pinkflume. DIE

I apologize for my last tweet: I meant to say, "Hi, anus-faces, it's Ted!"

Hi, anus-faces! I've missed you all enough to kick you in the teeth! I've been traveling! #withyourmom #platonically #andsexually

Hi Degenerates, It's Ted. I just wanted you to gush over my petite little Muffpork!: http://www.itchybug.com/dog.jpg Thank you, rectumblend!

Hi World, It's Ted: PS on my last fantastic tweet that I tweeted like I was smothered in engine grease; die! Oh thank you so much, goodbye!

Hi Everyone, It's Ted. Is it bad that I collected a small sample of my poop whilst in every country I visited? Delicious you say? OH YES THX

Hi You, it's Ted. Just got back from touring the world! This sexy planet is covered in batty sluts! Still, I wish you'd die! Thank you! :-*