misnomer

There is a presentation that I must get done today I think.

I feel like a drink and it is only 9:30am and I haven’t even gone to work yet. I am so tired of my life, deeply tired. This morning I made myself 4 bacon rashers, 2 eggs (which prob made me run to the loo fairly immediately) and a slice of bread.

I don’t want to go to work. Actually I don’t want to do anything. But here I am, showered, dressed, stalling stalling stalling

i’m tired of coughing. tired of my life

am sitting in the dogs’ spot in my room, drinking a little creatures.

Sitting at my desk. Quiet.

so congested. i am walking in my own bubble of me

Am tired.

Did they change the format of BBC World Service? A lot more ramble dialogue now, with less concise reporting. I don’t like it.. Is it all in my head? @BBCWorld

Predominant emotion in my forties is anger.

I’m at the point where everything o do for myself, i think about having to get it done for my parents. Need to get parents to the dentist, need to cut their nails, need to get their hair cut, etc.

Sundays with my parents feel a little like treading water in one spot. Glad for my aunt, uncle and extended family who make it more fun.

For whatever reason, I’ve ceded control of my house. I should take it back and take up space in my house.

I wonder why some people get stressed by life and some people don’t. I don’t really get stressed by work, but i get ridiculously stressed by life. For the first time in my life, i’m jealous of the fun people say they have online.

I dunno if it is the lack of exercise, sports, fun, creative output, or the loss of routine, personal space, control. Or changes in work situation soon or needing to constantly manage parents, or being stuck btw relationships and not having enough zest or optimism to choose

am feeling a little depressed and i don’t know why or how to get out of it.

Yesterday, to avoid what i have to do today, i took it one day at a time. This morning, to avoid what i have to do this afternoon, i’m taking it an hour at a time.

a mouthful of squid snacks

and maybe i do need therapy

am sitting in the car in geylang and thinking about how life feels pretty miserable in our 40s and how i can cope with this anxiety.