rye

“gay son or thot daughter?” baby, those are blessings. let’s make it challenging. pick me daughter or incel son. choose one

Today marks 4 years since I cut poisonous berries out of my diet. I feel amazing, I have so much more energy and no more daily trips to the ER. I can't recommend it enough

imagine being john green and giving the title of "worst website" to twitter after what tumblr did to him

Can I come over and act peculiar

will be thinking about heidi klum’s worm costume for the next several days

Heidi Klum dresses up as worm for Halloween.

btw the stereotype of americans i have run into the most so far in europe is that americans work themselves to death for nothing

in the club thinking about how much i miss my cat

I fucking love halloween because nothing makes me laugh harder than what people will sluttify. a girl I know is being “slutty sleepytime tea bear” and i’ve been laughing at that for 45 minutes

All I have to say about the happy coffee wife is: in August, my husband’s aunt fake-gagged when she saw me kiss him on the cheek and said “let’s see how in love you are in 10 years” and I said “why are you rooting for our marriage to be unhappy, that’s really weird.”

SPOTIFY PLS ADD LYRICS i don’t know what i am singing

i luv when cats sit in tht position tht makes them look like a rotisserie chicken

my friends are bad at comforting i be like “i wanna die” they be like “same here”

pop rocks making borderline soft porn for a commercial in the early 2000s is truly incredible

That’s gotta be bait 🤨

Pour some prosecco out for the bartenders having to make negroni sbagliatos for 1000 bisexuals this week