pattch

@ChefBonsaidemic @BackToRealty LMAO

@BackToRealty @Pattch This guys pain tolerance must be eth level

Many moons ago I worked with a guy who had them his whole life. One day we’re working and he starts flipping out & I have no idea why. He literally jumps out while we’re moving to take a piss screaming the whole time I’ve drunken a lot of water since that day.

@BackToRealty Poor guy

@Pattch Bro, when I asked why he was freaking out all he could scream was bathroom! And then after the whole escapade tells me the story of how he’s had them since he was a kid and drops one at least once a week. That statement scared the ever loving shit out of me

@Sm00thLikeSilk It’s a bad mental image

Was at a Bachelor party last summer at the Lake. Buddy is standing on the swim step and slips. Lands on the edge of the step with his groin. Literally explodes his penis, never seen so much blood in my life. Had to wear a catheter for like 2 months

I have such a deathly fear of kidney stones I’ve been drinking a gallon of water a day for a decade. Well, besides the days that I drink beer instead

I can return to Costco?

@seven_rightmeow It sits right at water level. How you get back on the boat

@Pattch whats a swim step

Proof: 1. Humans have a very well defined upper bound for salt in food. Anything more than 0.8% by weight and humans will universally perceive it as too salty 2. Ingredients listed are by weight descending 3. Therefore, each ingredient after salt in a label is < 0.8% by weight

@ChefBonsaidemic Congrats to you, apologies for her

Met the wife 25 years ago tonight

@uncledoomer The fact you are getting paid that much is criminal

treated myself. its called earning. its called being a bread winner. you wouldnt know what this life is like.

@Giga_Goblin Man that looks miserable

California sucks!

@b0newalljackson It’s probably a refund check for $12

oh. splendid

@FlipCrypt Holy fucking shit

My buddy was up in a bucket truck working on power lines that were supposed to be off. When he got zapped, the electricity grounded out of his penis to the bucket. It blew his dick up like a hot dog in a microwave, and then threw him out of the bucket and broke his collarbone. After much skin grafting they got little humpty back together again and it still works. They wore him down over years for an insurance payout, and he took a measly 50k.

@0xkgc Yeah thankfully fully recovered

@Pattch yikes man did he recover

@sheikhswampert Worst case scenario

@Pattch what the fuck

@juhrafftrades @b0newalljackson 😂😂😂😂

@Pattch @b0newalljackson Tell that to the bull testicles on Fear Factor!!!!

@juhrafftrades @b0newalljackson I’ve seen a lot of Jackass over the years. The balls seem to be pretty resilient

@Pattch @b0newalljackson Good thing his balls didn't explode.

@Frac_Sauce He was pretty fucking hammered so he was actually chill about it. I was nearly blacked out so I don’t remember much. But from people told me I saw him on the beach covered in blood and ran off the boat to help him. But tripped at the front and face planted into the sand

@Pattch Bro… how bad was he freaking out? I’d be out my skull

@dumbgayretard EMTs said they had never seen anything like it

@Pattch Holy moly