@AlexNevilAgain

You’ve been a great crowd. Tip your waitresses and be good humans.

@elonmusk Elon, buddy, you’re just radiating “substitute teacher who’s in over his head” energy right now.

i really wanna see that bunny

It’s a beautiful day. Lots of people out walking their phones.

There's tennis elbow, and golfer's elbow, but surprisingly no drinker's elbow.

I intend to become a complete bitch at 10k

Makes dentist appointment early in the morning so I don’t worry about it all day. (Wakes up at 2am worrying about morning dentist appointment.)

Videt diem. (Sees the day.)

hammocks are a gateway drug to nirvana

Who are you supposed to talk to about the walk up music for your funeral?

@Jake_Vig It’s time to NOT be nice!

Me: New outfit? Wife: This old thing? I’ve had it for… Me: The bank sent me an alert on my phone. Wife: …minutes.

Bar at Heathrow One hour on a Airport treadmill 🤝 Trying to get rid of these last 15 pounds

Last night’s winning numbers in the Mega Jenny drawing: 8, 67, 5, 30, 9

@PaleCrow12 All of a sudden I’m feeling slightly better about my parenting skills.

All these people talk about kindness and social responsibility but then they retweet poetry

Hey everybody, there's a Halloween Party at the Hotel California this year!

It has a Half Pound Pattie.

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