Huge Jacknuts

@Serialchiller1 I freaked out once while on shrooms and watched the sky. It was satellites moving.

You ever walk onto your back patio in just your robe and thank the creator that he put you in the same timeline as yoga pants and sausage McGriddles? Well I do.. ✌🏽

Meteorologists are out there like “Fuck if I know!”

*at liquor store* Employee: ‘what’s the occasion?’ Me: ‘it’s tornado warning season’ ‘That it is…’

Went to the Oreo website and hit accept all cookies. Now we wait.

the guy next to me paid my tab tonight. I guess it was the dead wife story idk.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to trip on psychedelic mushrooms… or did I

The Black Crowes. My ears were pushed in like sails

‘UTAH?!! Get me ✌🏽’

Garlic bread is just regular bread that's in the mafia.

me as a therapist: omg me too.

I have a 12 year old nephew named Mason and I watch his baseball games and basketball games and I guess I’m the weirdo uncle because every time I see him I greet him with ‘Shave your face with some Mason the dark’ He will get it some day.

I just checked my 2026 planner and today at 215pm I’m scheduled to ‘Relax, Don’t Do It’

@pplprsn1 ‘Only if the first round of Dry Line Martinis are on you’ lol

@BreadedMark "Let's meet at the Mezzo". Nice ring to it.

Think I’ll open up a bar called The Mezzocyclone…

You don’t want to get Munson’d out there today.

@Iced_Chardonnay 8

9 or 10

This is my tornado shelter today. It’s also where I cry when things get too much for me. And where I rage eat Meat Lovers Pizzas by the slice…

I hope the tornado shenanigans this week doesn’t prevent me from seeing Yakov Smirnoff in Branson this weekend

Today is ‘Thank god I don’t live in a mobile home’ day. I literally live at the end of the Red Arrow #okwx