Marc. E. Xpresso

@mariana057 🤣🤣🤣

A priest is driving along a country road, when the police pull him over. They smell alcohol on the priest's breath. “Have you been drinking?" “Just water," says the priest. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest says: "Good Lord He's done it again!”

@crypto_kcee 🤣🤣🤣

Not about mosquitos 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@mariana057 Hahaha 🤣

Sad news, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine, because she found out I was seeing Claire Lee on the side. The good news is, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone!

@InsideLucysHead 🤣🤣🤣

I, being an Irish Catholic, decided it was time to cleanse my soul... I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church. Inside, I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. When the priest came in, I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replied, "You moron, you're on my side."

@christasyd Stolen stories, stolen prophets, stolen temples, mosques and churches, stolen lands, stolen properties. Only fools and thieves are blinded with what's really happening in the middle east - blinded by holy scriptures, texts, languages and cultures 😔

Sejak kapan orang Yahudi percaya Yesus itu Mesias anjriiiiiiit kalo mereka percaya Yesus itu Mesias mah dari 2000 tahun lalu udah pada jadi Kristen semua

@ZzPolski @Tybernicus17 @mariana057 Hahaha God's on your side friend 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽😂

@ExpressoMarc @Tybernicus17 @mariana057 It's duable 😁 Just before drinking a shot you must take a deep breath, otherwise you could suffocate. The technique is: take a breath, take a big sip, swallow, breathe out. I tried it couple of times (when I was young & stupid), and I survived it without any consequences 😁

Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought??

@InsideLucysHead 😂

Twelve signs that you're an idiot: 1. Aries, 2. Taurus, 3. Gemini, 4. Cancer, 5. Leo, 6. Virgo, 7. Libra, 8. Scorpio, 9. Sagittarius, 10. Capricorn, 11. Aquarius, and 12. Pisces PS...One post that insults everyone. Perfect for Sunday😆

@InsideLucysHead 🤣🤣🤣

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation… 'Well, says the boss, 'If I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.' The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired. Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office. “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?” The cannibals swear that they are innocent. The boss believes them and leaves the office, and they all turn to their leader. “You idiots!” he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?” One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand. “You fool!” shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"

@ZzPolski @Tybernicus17 @mariana057 Yes, can't imagine drinking it neat!

@ExpressoMarc @Tybernicus17 @mariana057 Just to be more serious, this type of alkohol is used in Poland to make liqueurs (fruit, herbs, nuts, cocoa, coffee, etc.) The end product is not as strong, because it gets diluted with "simple syrup" (sugar+spring water).

@ZzPolski @Tybernicus17 @mariana057 🤣🤣🤣

@Tybernicus17 @mariana057 Well, Polish alcohol may work even better. 95% 😉

@Tybernicus17 @mariana057 Hahaha 50% or even higher 🤣

@mariana057 Slivovitz, a plum brandy. No not a wine, but I think more apropos.

@NimraShahzadin His Efforts are beautiful ...

My husband made this and put it in our garden. I said it doesn't look nice, but he said it looks great. I'd love to hear your opinions! What do you think 🤔

@mariana057 🤣

If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus was the lamb of God… Does that mean, Mary had a little lamb?

@academic_la In few quarters amongst the elite, the few and the privileged, it is so what, not for what. 😔

The oil crisis is spreading throughout the world. Many countries are going to extreme lengths to ration their supply as a result. Here are all the cases I could find: 1) The Philippines declared a national energy emergency. Government offices have shifted to a four-day work week, and agencies must cut fuel and electricity use by 10–20%. 2) Sri Lanka instituted a weekly public holiday for public officials and schools. It has also revived a QR code-based fuel rationing system that limits private cars to 25 liters of petrol per week. 3) Pakistan closed schools for two weeks and cut free fuel allocations for government vehicles by 50%. It also hiked high-octane fuel prices by 60%. 4) Bangladesh, shut down universities and colleges and implemented five-hour rolling blackouts for households to prioritize the garment export sector. 5) South Korea launched a nationwide energy-saving campaign and released a record 22.46 million barrels of strategic oil reserves. It also temporarily lifted limits on burning coal. 6) Thailand ordered civil servants to work from home, set office air conditioning to 26–27°C, and halted petroleum exports to preserve domestic stock. 7) Japan and announced its largest-ever release of strategic oil reserves, approximately 45 days' worth, to stabilize local markets. 8) Egypt ordered early closures for malls, restaurants, and government offices while switching off illuminated billboards. 9) Myanmar introduced an "odd-even" rationing system where private vehicles can only purchase fuel on alternating days based on their license plate numbers. 10) Nepal is a state-run oil corporation has begun rationing cooking gas by filling cylinders to only half their normal capacity (7.1 kg) and is urging a nationwide switch to induction cookers. 11) India has invoked emergency powers to divert liquefied petroleum gas (LPG) away from industrial users to prioritize household cooking needs. 12) Slovenia became the first EU member to implement fuel rationing, limiting private drivers to 50 liters of petrol per week and businesses to 200 liters. 13) Bhutan has officially banned the sale of fuel in jerry cans to prevent hoarding and has established strict rationing priorities for emergency services. 14) Vietnam is accelerating a transition to ethanol-blended gasoline ahead of schedule to reduce its reliance on pure fossil fuel imports. 15) South Sudan has begun rationing electricity in its capital, Juba, due to the high cost of oil used for power generation. 16) Laos has made working from home mandatory for all non-essential civil servants and introduced rotational shifts to reduce commuting demand. It gets worse. Gulf producers are nearly at their maximum storage capacity; once they run out of space to put unsold oil, they will be forced to "shut in" (permanently close) wells, which can cause long-term geological damage to the oil fields. This is the worst oil crisis in history. And it is going to get so much worse. unlike previous shocks, this crisis has wiped out the world's spare capacity because major producers like Saudi Arabia and the UAE are physically cut off from their customers by the Strait of Hormuz closure. All for what?

@richardker Congratulations to Malaysian leaders and policy makers for having the foresight - Malaysian first and foremost.

Honestly? I woke up today feeling grateful. Not because everything is perfect. But because of what didn’t happen. With the war in the Middle East pushing oil prices up, things are getting harder everywhere. Unsubsidised RON95 in Malaysia just hit RM3.87 a litre. Our neighbours are under real pressure. Philippines. Thailand. Cambodia. Laos. Even Australia is facing a fuel crisis right now. These are not just statistics. These are real people, families trying to get to work, small business owners watching their costs double overnight, ordinary folks doing their best in a situation they didn’t create. If you’re reading this, hang in there. But yesterday, our PM announced that our subsidised petrol at RM1.99 stays. Yes, the quota drops from 300L to 200L in April. And I keep thinking, this kind of stability doesn’t just happen. It took decades. Generations of leaders building diplomatic relationships quietly in the background. Policy makers running the numbers at midnight. Civil servants holding things together without anyone knowing their name. People who never made the news but made the difference. This moment of relative calm, they built it. Long before this crisis ever came. But it also took something very Malaysian. We have this rare ability to sit with anyone, different races, different religions, different backgrounds and just get along. In a world that’s fracturing right now, that’s actually a superpower. So today I’m not taking it for granted. To everyone working behind the scenes, thank you. We see you. Syukur. And to our neighbours and friends from around world, you’ve got this. 🙏🇲🇾

@InsideLucysHead 🤣

A rabbi, a Hindu priest, and Keir Starmer went on a hike... Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen. They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night. The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.” The Hindu priest said, “I need no material comforts. I will gladly take the barn.” The rabbi and Keir Starmer were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the Hindu priest standing there. “So sorry, my friends, but there is a cow in the barn, and I cannot sleep beside such a holy animal.” The rabbi said, “No problem, my brother. I’ll take the barn. The Hindu priest and Keir Starmer were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the rabbi standing there. “So sorry, my friends, but there’s a pig in the barn, and I can’t sleep beside such a filthy animal.” Keir Starmer said, “OK, let it be remembered that I sacrificed my comfort for the greater good.” The rabbi and the Hindu priest were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.

@HoodedClaw1974 🤣

This has made my day.🤣🤣🤣 Man on horse sings to people in cars queueing for petrol.🤣🤣🤣

@Piggy4eva2 @marksnowflake1 @QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 Agreed.

@ExpressoMarc @marksnowflake1 @QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 No fuel and no food is also fairly bad for the Aussie way of life.

China has cut Australia off for Jet A1 fuel (kerosene), all of next months shipments cancelled. Normally 12/month. There’s one ship inbound. That’s it. China is Australia’s largest Jet Fuel supplier.

@marksnowflake1 @QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 Don't think there's a strong desire in Australia, amongst Australian - to explore and drill in Australian water. Bad for reefs, bad for the environment, bad for surfing, bad for Australian way of life.

@QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 We have oil all around Australia. I have an idea, why don't we refine our own?

@Tracey_Resistor @marksnowflake1 @QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 Don't think there's a strong desire in Australia, amongst Australian - to explore and drill in Australian water. Bad for reefs, bad for the environment, bad for surfing, bad for Australian way of life.

@marksnowflake1 @QBCCIntegrity @RIGPIG888 1. To remove the shale oil is expensive. 2. Infrastructure of pipelines to transport the oil for refinery is non existent. 3. The 2 operational refineries already supply 60%+ of Australia's fuel. They are already heavily funded by the govt to remain operational.