Scrumpledorph

Pup play gotten boring? Looking for ways to spice up your polycule? Try hamster play! How to play: get two or more subs put them in a sizeable space (McMansion or larger) they beat the shit out of each other every time they come across one another fight must end before mom sees.

The people of Gotham used to be able to roam the streets safely without fear of being attacked with a deadly and horrific gas based nerve agent. Now they can't. Because of Joke.

Eating a roguelike salad (each bite is randomized) with deckbuilding elements (stirring the ingredients is kind of like shuffling) to give me the energy to exercise (no relation to videogames).

Can't afford to go to see a doctor about my diet problems so I joined a scat fetish forum and got three dozen PhDs to pay for the pleasure of diagnosing me. #hustle #grindset

Just got done with a samurai duel, but unfortunately the delayed cut trope has gotten so exaggerated that neither of us will know who won for another 7-10 business days, when the other erupts into an explosion of blood that could fill a dozen elephants, so we have to hang out.

@tredlocity The Commission of Dorian Graymuzzle.

@tredlocity 'Hasbro wants a new BG3 on half the budget in a quarter the time.'

Getting out of the shower feels so good, when you get the little HUD popup that lets you know that your 'clean penis' buff has activated.

@tredlocity The titty mods are cut content from New Vegas that Bethesda didn't give them time to properly implement (they have a 1/15 chance to glitch out and crash the game on loading screen transition)

@tredlocity They're petrified at the prospect of any of their characters getting enough unique lore for someone to try to pull a Ken Penders, so they have extremely strict guidelines as to what they're allowed to do. The comic originals get a lot more leeway as I understand.

Tried to make the foreigner who just rolled into the saloon feel welcome by offering to play a little five finger filet with him, but when I pulled out my knife to demonstrate he pulled an inch of his sword out, put it back, and then all my fingers popped off. Damn Irishman.

Tried to get protest fired from my job as a D&D writer by submitting 'Volo's Guide To Phrenology' but it's actually the best selling character creation book in 5E's run.

Dishonorably discharged for fragging my whole squad after my IBS got the better of me in the field and they changed my callsign to the ace of sharts.

My fool proof idea to resurrect Star Wars again: there's a lightsaber that's got like a fifteen foot long blade called the longsaber. Darth Borderlinepersonalitydisorder wants it, and it takes him 30 hours of screentime across 5 series' to get it. Then Luke Skywalker kills him.

William Shakespeare after watching 2.5 seconds of a Jerma stream: All the world's a chat, and all the men and women merely doing a bit.

Been fending off seemingly endless waves of Jesuhitmen after suggesting to @Pontifex that for how much they get in donations the least the Vatican could do is open up a lesbian onlyfans convent. (we hang out on MySpace)

Ruined the threesome my girlfriend spent like two months planning by going 'uwaah, isnt this like an indirect kiss? >3<' when the other guy went down on her after me.

@BimByte Denim and leather are not enemies. They are in fact making out sloppy style, squishing boobs together, et cetera. So on and so forth. youtu.be/hFly5TwDKOg

Got isekai'd, but not to save their world from anything; it was actually my karmic reward for posting so good. In this world of eternal inter-species warfare there's no shortage of bereaved centuries old widows who are looking to drown their grief in brief 40 year trysts.

Securing the petty criminal vote in my local election by blaming the fact that most people are too poor to be worth mugging on neoliberal upward wealth extraction.