sterling dylan

“av no been an extra small since a was a scan inside ma maws belly”

anxiety is a fuckin nightmare. am getting ma flat painted and am 99.99999% sure I’ve told him to paint the wrong wall blue so am sat in my room rattled was the fear thinking ma perfectly planned design for ma gaff is in tatters and a refuse to do anything about it :D

last time me n shanny couldn’t finish a film because she said the wee lassie in it looked lit kevin bridges n we’ve just sat doon wae our mcdees tae watch a film n the killer is a fisherman and shanny goes aw there he is big mcfillet a fisherman n that’s us buckled again a cba :)

i only miss you when am breathin

shanny has booked in to stay at the radisson for a few nights to detox n I said a would meet her tomorrow for dinner if she wanted and she literally said “naw a won’t be leaving my room tomorrow” :))) sorry tae fuckin bother London Tipton

apparently 17 minutes is the only time am getting to accept ma da’s invite for lunch

a can actually hear this picture a cba

The diets gawn well x

chirpy chirpy cheep cheep chirp

mcdonald’s: we are now open for breakfast me:

happy birthday bitch 💜 cheers for being the sinitta to my simon x

A wee birthday beat, am old now 💜

Am absolutely mortified the guy came out to fix Dylan’s bath and obvs the guy was trying to make chat and asked if Dylan lived alone and Dylan’s goes ‘naw just me and the mrs’ :) a wanty die

Me n Dylan are looking into getting a king size bed and ones called a superking and he goes ‘imagine it arrived n it was just wan big fag’ :))) am moving oot

done yourself a belter there maw

Dylan or the former miss GB we will never know x

madonna is really missing a trick no opening a chain of kebab shops called madonners btw