jonathon

i think i've finally internalized that if i can't be there for myself i can't be there for someone else

I'm sure.

im sure i have an 0-7 tank and 4-8 torb freshie

sorry

everything is retarded

i might blow my brains out before 30

my life always feels like crashing and burning

even my weekends are terrible

whatever

even though i've dealt with the same shit i still don't know how to not have it happen to me. so i must be the common denominator

i don't feel noncommittal. nobody wants to put in the precursors to commitment at all. maybe i'm the problem. i probably am the problem. but other people still display a lot of problems. i've delt with this same shit for the past 10 years

so i'm supposed to be this infinite pool of resources and essentially this omnipresent 3rd option for you and you can just hang out with your friends and shit and we never do anything ever? ok sure

while i'm at it what is wrong with people expecting shit out of me & not wanting to even hang out with me. like you seriously want me to devote my time, thought, & energy (which is already very finite because of mental illness) into you and only you and you don't even talk to me?

if i invite anyone to shit i don't expect them to go. i don't expect anyone to do anything for me. if anyone does anything for me it's not because i expected them to do it. so fuck off with all of that shit. ever consider what i want to do?

i hate being asked to do shit by family and then get guilt tripped when i don't want to. fuck off i'm a grown ass adult (shouldn't even have to say this) and i don't care if i've been incited, you aren't going to make me feel guilty. i'm not and that's it

also my ana literally sitting on cart and i told her not to and then she dies on cart and then she spawns and does it again and then does it again. cool

u guys think i'm trolling and i'm not

i feel the same way...i don't think they're ugly or unattractive by conventional standards but for whatever reason i don't feel that way...if i was just in public i wouldn't want to go talk to them just because of how they look

i can count on 1 hand how many people ever gave a fuck

im tired of everything