Richard Osmond

My daughter misheard me telling someone my new car was going to be "a Suzuki" and thought I was saying my new car was going to be "sooo zookeeper-y". Now we're both disappointed that my car doesn't look like this:

Checks out

@LokiMusic2 @DrFrancisYoung For sure. I love this. Also hilarious response to the mad spread on tummy ache day. I might have a go at making kennings for any of them for which we lack words

@DrFrancisYoung @commoninkcap I am sure we could fit some music to this!

The richly illuminated original was destroyed in the Cottonian Library fire, of course - this is a worthy reconstruction of what it might have been like

@kimmoorepoet Ok guilty. I wrote a poem that described fingering a girl for the first time thusly: "crooking my fingers / like a Bavarian priest reaching up the chimney to bless a smoked ham".

@kimmoorepoet @TomBaileyBlog He also has "Letter to the Twins" where he says a woman's genitals are "parched scrubland", "a seam of milk", "where the pearl sits knuckled in its silk" "an ochre pink anemone" a "lovely mouth that has no kiss" and "the wet snout of her womb"...

Do you think Jodie Comer has been formally approached to play Lucy Letby yet? Either way, I bet she's holding up a baby onesie in a mirror right now, practising going from "basic-bitch-selfie-face" to "evil-emotionless-killer-face". Right?

@akblakemore Terrycloth Slazenger Boobtube sounds like someone from Nathan Barley

Took a selfie among hemlock and its intricate leaflets and umbels gave me strangely feminine gothy face mendhis.

@annethegnome Me, 8: What does gay mean? Mum: It's when a man is so disgusted at the thought of having sex with women, that he resorts to men to relieve his sexual urges." Theoretically very liberal, she now flatly denies saying this. Not exactly something a child would invent though...

Me: Mom, I might date women, if I get the chance Mom: GOOD FOR YOU! Women are so much better than men. I wish I could date women. Me: uh.... Mom: all the most intimate relationships I've had are with women. They're just more powerful connection, you know? Me: ...

@roguestrands It was once. The Americans got it from us and just kept it going where we didn;t.

I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to accept "gotten" as standard British English usage.

@roguestrands "Meaning that riches gotten by good means, and just labor, pace slowly … Riches gotten by service, though it be of the best rise, yet when they are gotten by flattery, feeding humors, and other servile conditions, they may be placed amongst the worst." Francis Bacon, 1601

@CarriePoppyYES do you have thoughts on Kevin Smith’s recent “trauma is trauma” video? It feels like he’s using ideas learned from the trauma theory sources that you sometimes reference. So much amygdala talk. Just wondered what you give it on a pseudoscience + danger rating?

@KofTheTriffids @UrsulaV I have apnea and use a cpap after doing home sleep studies if you need any advice

I told doctors for years I was tired all the time, to no avail. They told me to just power through it and stay awake. One literally told me that “some people just need more sleep than others.” Eventually my husband was like DO YOU KNOW YOU STOP BREATHING AT NIGHT?!

Can we start a viral campaign to swear allegiance to someone else during the Coronation? Like David Attenborough. Or Max off of Eastenders. Or literally anyone else…

@AnthonyAdler Is Doodle a Lad-given name? I often think the name your older toddler sibling proposes for you before birth should be given spiritual significance and carried through life. My oldest wanted to call her little brother "Jellyfish" so badly.

He also told us that he saw ‘a flashioned old bus’ & that Doodle, his sibling-to-be, was going to dream about it.

This evening the Lad was keen to eat my nose, which he insisted tasted ‘very good’.

@AnthonyAdler @purple_fringe There are things she said to me in passing, small kindnesses, encouragements, that I carry with me and think of often. That she is gone is as unbelievable to me as the fact that someone of such superhuman compassion, intellect & brightness was ever here in the first place

@AnthonyAdler @purple_fringe When I heard the news I felt it more deeply than I had any business feeling it. But I bet a lot of people were that way. I'm one of those fortunate enough to have experienced the huge benefits of knowing her even a little.

Today should’ve been @purple_fringe’s birthday. Miss you, friend.

@KofTheTriffids @GuillemotPress Can't wait to read this. Though slightly disappointed that your self-interview wasn't a video one like when Brian Eno interviewed himself and literally put on a wig and glasses to play the interviewer

@AnthonyAdler Yes - or the "gold pigment" kit version, which I'd recommend. If you get one of these it's not really any different from using any other glue: amazon.co.uk/Kintsugi-Repai…

Chipped one of my favourite little espresso cups, lads. Have any clumsy people tried kitsungu?