carlosSMASH

$107.84 this week! This is how I really earn parttime cash... Come see >> facebook.com/400952649976140

$97.41 this week! Right here is how I actually make some extra cash... Look >> facebook.com/498002866891195

I met my girlfriend at a bar and now she complains that i'm drunk all the time...hey, buyer beware..don't buy drunks at the drunk store!

I have a blind friend with glaucoma who will be completely blind in the next several years if i keep stealing his weed.

Darth Einstein: May the Force Equal Mass Times Excelleration.

Once you go bird..WORD!

The only good time to get diarrhea is when playing scrabble...'cause its worth a shitload of points.

aren't unicorns just really anorexic rhinoceroseses?

i just put a sketchers shape up on the end of my penis.

A Matador *isn't* a Mexican door mat? No wonder that Mexican got mad when I wiped my feet on him! =)

I hate liars. People that say "Feels like I lost ten pounds" after they shit should step on a scale to fuel a more accurate statement.

fucking stray neighborhood dog followed me home after work. Looks like I'm having korean tonight =)

You should come back to my place for pizza and sex. We'll actually im allergic to pizza.

Stop holding your pussy hostage. All your doing is proving that the terrorists are winning.

Ugly Betty needs a new orthodontist. Really 5 years with braces?

I just graduated from the Nasa research Facility. My first mission is to explore Uranus. Sorry babe its for the government.

Rock beats Paper. OH WHAT you mean this isn't crack rocks paper skizzors?

I think of you when I rape my pillow at night =)

Wetting your pants shouldn't be embarrassing. Whoever notices them were probably just gonna look at your crotch anyways.

Theres bumps on the J and F Keys cause Stevie Wonder type JESUS FUCK like 10 times a day.