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I am doing my best to be as open and honest as I possibly can. I haven’t even slept because these thoughts have been weighing on me for too long. I take full responsibility for promising work and not delivering it. I want to be better. It is hard to get better with so much weight

I’ve been wanting to make that massive post I talked about a while ago, but the anxiety I feel is overwhelming and it’s been preventing me from doing so, along with opening this app. I’m terrified.

All I can express at the moment is the immense guilt I have felt over this for the past couple of years. I never had a single bad intention with any commission I have taken. Right now more than ever, I need to be taking care of myself to make sure that I make it to 27.

There has been so god damn much going on in my personal life. I understand that I owe it to people to finish my queue. I understand how many people I’ve made angry. Telling me these things over & over aren’t going to help me get better.

I’m not purposely trying to ignore anybody. Every.Single.Day. my mind tells me I’m a failure and that the only way out is to give up. I am and have been suicidal for the last 10+ years of my life. Living like this is extremely difficult as it is.

I struggle with CPTSD, severe major depression, severe anxiety, the list goes on. I lost my dream job and felt as if my life was completely falling apart. I’m currently grieving from a breakup.

I cannot express to the people who have commissioned me how terribly awful I feel. I say this a lot, but I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I am struggling severely with my mental health. I have been hospitalized twice in the last year as a result of suicidal ideation

I am not and have not been okay for months.

I lost the one thing that gave me motivation to draw. I lost the hope I had for my future. I feel worthless, useless. I feel like I have nothing. I can’t begin to express how sorry I am for not responding to DMs recently. I am not of sound mind. Please be patient with me..

• I will be working towards my dream goal to achieve the career I have always wanted so that I may be able to finally afford refunds, as other ways just aren’t cutting it. • I am working on coping mechanisms for my anxiety & depression.

FOR NOW: • I am actively looking into reinstating my health insurance so that I can get looked at; I am 99% certain I have another kidney stone(s) and I am in extreme physical pain daily. • I will be doing my best to respond to DMs on my off days (Mon / Thurs)

What I would like for you to take away from my large post, when I post it, is not that it is another “crying wolf” situation. I’m done running from my problems. I am taking accountability and doing my best to move forward. More to be explained soon.

I am working through navigating these tough situations with my therapist, as every session she helps me turns my thoughts and feelings into words and she is able to help me get my points across in ways I would not regularly be able to

-and properly put my feelings together in fear that people will not care about what I have to say. I am scared that I made things so bad for myself that the fandom will only see me as an untrustworthy artist, a scammer, etc. I’m just a guy who fucked up. Badly.

I have been wanting to type out a huge, huge post for my clients, friends, whoever may have worked with me in the past, etc. But the constant stress is real. I have never pushed my body to these limits before and it is so, extremely, incredibly fucking difficult.

I deleted my previous post out of anxiety that someone I don’t need seeing that post would possibly see it. I am not okay. I haven’t really been for a minute. battling with what seems to be another kidney stone. I am not ignoring anybody. I am dealing with EXTREME physical pain

@MulticolorBark ….this is my dream fursuit. oh my god. 😭😭😭😭❤️

Uh oh!!! Puppy’s been caught playing in the leaf pile at the pumpkin patch!! 🍂 🐶 🍁 Multi slot YCH!! 💰4️⃣0️⃣ - to be worked on between other commissions I have! Comment or DM to claim and as always RT’s appreciated 🥺

LOWERING PRICES 80 flat 200 AB !! Roomie and I could really use the extra help; please RT