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Patches

@mostly_cheese

Massachusetts, USA Entrou em Ağustos 2017
2.3K Seguindo4.2K Seguidores
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Patches
Patches@mostly_cheese·
Instead of “sorry for the delay,” write “thank you for your patience.” In lieu of “apologies for the oversight,” write “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fucken do it.”
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Patches
Patches@mostly_cheese·
[restaurant in Mexico] Wife: What’s good here? Me: Bueno.
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Patches@mostly_cheese·
STOP using THESE FIVE WORDS in your RESUMÉ: fuck, shit, piss, ass, balls
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Patches
Patches@mostly_cheese·
ME: shouldn't i, the one who has accumulated all the debt, be known as the debt collector? DEBT COLLECTOR: *muffled whispering* ME: DEBT COLLECTOR: i'll call you back
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Patches
Patches@mostly_cheese·
I got locked out of my house after having dinner at an Italian restaurant. I had gnocchi.
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Joshua Claybourn
Joshua Claybourn@JoshuaClaybourn·
I’m always surprised that this Jimmy Carter anecdote gets overlooked.
Joshua Claybourn tweet media
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Velvet Milkman
Velvet Milkman@velvetmilkman0·
A Dominican baseball player
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Wendigoon
Wendigoon@Wendigoon8·
Wendigoon tweet media
ZXX
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Adam
Adam@AdameMedia·
Who’s gonna tell her?
Adam tweet media
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ChihuahuaEnjoyer420
ChihuahuaEnjoyer420@tweetsandboobs·
Go to the 00:46 mark
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moesha
moesha@yunclesage·
I will never be a cocomelon parent you gone sit here n watch the wire season 4
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Greta
Greta@GretaGrace20·
It's always about bathrooms.
Greta tweet mediaGreta tweet media
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