Shake Hands Eric

Who would have thought it…… Donald Truss

Tonight from 9pm

@verypopularname A polar bear pulling a caravan

When did we start measuring things in polar bears? Did I miss a meeting?

@fredsirieix1 Set up a flame on the edge of the lawn and they’ll fly into it. Works a treat.

My lawn is full of moss. What is the best way to get rid of it?

@elonmusk Surely it’s “stating”, Munchball?

At risk of starting the obvious, there are many attention-seeking trolls on all social media platforms trying to yank your chain. They win if you respond.

@oasis Will there be food?

“This is it, this is happening” Tickets on sale this Saturday 31st August (🇮🇪8AM IST / 🇬🇧9AM BST) Dates: Cardiff Principality Stadium - 4th/5th July Manchester Heaton Park - 11th/12th/19th/20th July London Wembley Stadium - 25th/26th July & 2nd/3rd August Edinburgh Scottish Gas Murrayfield Stadium - 8th/9th August Dublin Croke Park - 16th/17th August

@johnharris1969 There’s a row going on down near Frome?

I'm at a From The Jam gig in Frome. 20 mins ago, the band walked off because a couple down the front were having a domestic. I shit you not

Elton John taking greatest ever Glastonbury performance of all time tonight #Elton #glasto

x

@PaulHeatonSolo @ScarboroughOAT Paul - there is a very good tribute band locally called Very Beautiful South with a great singer - try her out.

Following further medical advice it is with sadness that we must inform you Jacqui will not be able to appear with Paul & the band at this summer's shows. Full statement attached + news on 2 new headline shows at @ScarboroughOAT(1st July) & Mouth Of The Tyne Festival(8th July)...

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Thank you for the songs we all love ❤️ #BurtBacharach

@PeterStefanovi2 I find it difficult to keep up with which minister for what, don’t you? Are they always all new…?

I thought this was a parody account. It’s not! It’s the Governments trade minister proudly announcing its latest deal “could be worth up to £1 million over five years” We’ve just heard Brexit is costing the Government £40bn a year in lost tax revenue! Heaven help us!

Maybe Jeff Bezos can “do a Neighbours” with #twitter

Goodbye Boston

Old Hollywood bloopers are a thing of beauty.

@slightlyrotund Yeuch

@shakehandseric Proper hamster-cage vibe going on?

@GaryLineker @HKane @WayneRooney These are own goals though, right?

With 52, Boris Johnson has now ahead of @HKane and is just one behind @WayneRooney

A lot of people seem to be really struggling to grasp exactly what the Tories have become. It's no mystery to me- I've seen them up close, at work and play, and I think you guys need to understand what we're dealing with. A thread 👇

@Tim_Burgess @PaulMcCartney @glastonbury The start felt tentative, almost fragile but my, how it built up. I’ve always been in the Lennon camp, and suspicious. I’ve been wrong and way too hard on Paul. I get it now. An absolute revelation.

My morning after hot take: @PaulMcCartney at @glastonbury is the best gig I’ve ever seen